


Hello Campers!

by sivansdebnam



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Feminist Themes, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, New Zealand, Summer Camp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:47:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28129371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sivansdebnam/pseuds/sivansdebnam
Summary: Shelby Goodkind’s world is on the verge of collapse; Toni Shalifoe’s just got turned upside down.Desperately trying to cling onto the pieces of their old lives, they are sent by their loved ones to the other end of the world to become camp counselors for the summer.When Toni, pessimistic by nature meets Shelby, optimistic through and through; they can’t seem to get over their hatred for each other. However, once they’re forced to spend more time together it quickly becomes obvious that they are more alike than they’d care to admit.Will they learn to put their guards down long enough to get close? Or will the demons in their past get in the way.
Relationships: Dot Campbell/Fatin Jadmani, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 52
Kudos: 175





	1. Take Off

BEFORE

“Toni Shalifoe to the principal’s office”

Toni cursed under her breath as she heard the familiar voice boom over the static filled speakers. Every syllable echoed and bounced off the corridor walls as she pivoted on her heels meet her fate. She felt her jaw clinch with the flicker of rage that gnawed at her brain as every pair of eyes set upon her.

She loved the attention of her classmates when it counted; but not like this.

She felt as the warmth of Martha’s presence slowly slipped away the faster she walked, leaving her best friend stranded in the sea of teenage bodies crowding the buzzing corridor. 

God she hated high school.

The only things getting her through the mundane onslaught were: Martha and basketball. In her mind, the rest could go to hell. And if she was being totally honest, Martha and basketball were the only things getting her through life.

She was practically itching for the moment she could leave this deadbeat place, far away from her foster family and the looming dark cloud of the Res. Her dreams were big despite her small stance. She would play in the WNBA, under all the stadium lights hearing the crowds scream her name. 

Then reality would sink in a she would remember she was standing outside the principal’s office, right before dooms day.

She knocked urgently, letting herself in after the third knock and draping herself over the creaky red chair set in front of Principal Reed’s desk. She is accustomed to the routine.

‘Toni, you’re too good to be wasting your talent on petty fouls’

She would laugh, apologise and then do it all again in the following game. Like clockwork she would never learn; After all, she enjoyed the thrill bending the rules gave her.

Something felt different this time however. The air was thick and sticky, it clung to her lungs as she tried to read Principal Reed’s solemn expression.

Fuck, she swore. He never looked this serious.

Sometimes, only in situations like this, did she wish she was religious. Because just maybe the big man upstairs would bail her out if she clasped her hands together and begged. Then she remembered she was gay and then the thought vanished almost as quick as it came.

Principal Reed cleared his throat before he finally met her gaze. Toni wasn’t one to shift under someone’s gaze, but she felt herself stiffen.

“Toni, coach and I have discussed it and I don’t know how to tell you this I—“

Toni stood from the lumpy chair, her legs only shaking slightly with the sudden change of gravity.

“Spit it out. Please.” She choked, the only sign that she was nervous as her body stood staunch.

“You are off the team, I’m sorry but your behaviour—“

She felt a bubble of laughter rise in her throat and then bile as she processed the older man’s words.

You are off the team 

A blind and all-consuming rage filled her small body soon after. It felt as though every synapses fired at once, sending a ripple of pure fury upon her muscles. She had no control. 

“Toni we there's an opportunity for you to get back on the team. Please just hear me out.”

She could only watch as she began her warpath. Knocking priceless trophies from their stand, years of school photos came shattering to the floor and papers flew everywhere. She couldn’t even hear the shouts of her principal as he begged her to stop, eventually she did. 

The principal didn’t tell her off, instead he continued his explanation, “There’s an event for young leaders; Your coach and I think it would be beneficial for you to attend. Once you’re back we can look at reinstating your place on the team.” His eyes were boring in the younger girl’s, her eyes shone with angry tears.

Toni scoffed, “Do I have a choice?”  
The principal shook his head in response.

She didn’t even think before she made her decision, “Fine. Anything to get out of this hell hole.” She spat.

Grabbing her backpack and slinging it over her shoulder she swung the door closed so violently she felt the rattle down the hall as she sped away.

She regretted her decision, but a free trip away from school was a hard offer to refuse. Especially if her opportunity to play basketball was hanging in the mix.

•

Shelby felt the dread settle into the pit of her stomach as her father paced the room. His hand covering his mouth as he thought, only looking up to meet her eye once or twice. She was wringing her hands to keep her tears at bay as all the possibilities of his next words sifted through her mind.

She was begging and pleading with God to get her through. She had never felt more hopeless than in this moment. The shame, guilt, terror and disgust gnawed at her as she met her father’s eyes.

Why did she have to kiss her best friend?

“Daddy, I can explain. Please just let me explain!” She begged, her eyes flooding with tears.

“Shelby, I know what I saw.” He sharply stated, sending his daughter into a head spin.

Their argument went back and forth, Shelby arguing that she wasn’t gay that Becca had lied and her father believing none of it.

She couldn’t be gay, she just couldn’t she reasoned with herself.

The last blow was from her father, “Shelby, we’re sending you away. You’ll be in a controlled environment where you will learn discipline,” 

Shelby’s eyes filled with tears. How could she have gone from her parents most exemplary child to being the troubled one? The lost cause? The bad apple? 

She wanted to scream.

“We want you to stay on the path that God set for you. You cannot live a life of sin in this family—“ She couldn’t bear to hear the rest. She shut down, stopped listening and gave up.

Maybe this is what she needed; a getaway.

In a strange way she was grateful to be packing her bags later that night, she felt suffocated in this home. 

The weight of this earth shattering secret hanging over her head.

•

Toni didn’t believe that principal Reed would actually go through with this. But here she was, at the airport about to board a plane to the other side of the world with her best friend. She was grateful that Martha had been able to come along with her, ever since her breakup with Regan she felt especially close to the brunette girl. They were practically inseparable these days, even shared the same room in Martha’s mother’s cramped home.

Two weeks after her meeting with the principal their bags packed to the brim, their passport in their left hand, boarding pass in the right. 

Toni didn’t care much for flying but it never made her nervous; Martha however seemed excited as ever, practically shaking like one of her mother’s chihuahuas. 

Once they boarded, Toni sat as slouchy as possible in her aeroplane seat. The dull whirring of the engine and traffic underneath lulled her mind into a daydream. Martha sat beside her watching eagerly as girl after girl began filling the plane’s empty seats. Toni wasn’t as interested in their company, she only thought about how she would play on the court once she was back from this trip. She stared out the window to the men underneath the plane loading cargo, she thought they looked like tiny ants scurrying around in the sun. Slowly the men stopped loading, signalling they were ready for take off. 

She looked at Martha as the plane began its abrupt ascent. Now she looked nervous. Toni began smiling at her, hoping to calm her best friend’s nerves. They both weren’t exactly familiar with flying, but unlike Martha, Toni loved new adventures. If she had the money she would travel all over the world, and that was the goal once she went pro.

The plane slowly climbed its way peacefully into the clouds, they were cruising through the sky when the seatbelt sign switched off. This was the first time Toni properly acknowledged the girls surrounding her in flight. They were all headed to New Zealand on some leadership camp counsellor programme, paid entirely for by some big-wig research group wanting to empower young women. Or so she had been told. 

She didn’t believe one bit of it, she thought it sounded like something a wackos would make up to kidnap a bunch of kids. But she kept that thought to herself.

Meanwhile, Shelby sat closer to the front of the plane, practically itching to get to know everyone. She liked meeting new people, considering she came from such a small place it was a no brainer she would put her all into making friends here. 

Once she heard the ding of the seatbelt sign switching off she sprung out of her seat and into the aisle, taking in the new faces in front of her.

“So, in the interest of bringing us all together, I’d like to propose a little ice breaker!” She announced, awkwardly flaying her hands as she explained.

All but one of the girls offered polite smiles back to her as she stood at the front of the plane. The olive-skinned girl with brooding brown eyes stared blankly at her. She couldn’t place the feeling nor the reason she felt electricity shoot up her spine, sending sparks of goosebumps travelling down her arms.

The feeling of euphoria was quickly replaced by the feeling of guilt and shame.   
She prayed the flight would be as quick as possible so she could stop thinking about the brunette sitting mere seats away from her, her stare boring holes into the back of her head.

•

The plane touched down without a hitch, the summer sun began breaking through the small aircraft windows as they all lifted the shades. Complete exhaustion from the time zone shift, was replaced by temporary adrenaline as they gathered their belongings and made their way to the campsite. 

It was a short journey to the campsite, the girls made idle chatter as a van took them around various winding roads, before finally coming to a stop on a beachfront with nothing much more than a sign pointing to the water.

Shelby‘s ears perked as she heard the brown-eyed girl chatting with her friend behind her “I told you we should’ve bailed, some creep is going to murder us now,” She groaned, gesturing to the empty beach in front of them.

Shelby had to admit the brunette was right, this all did seem quite suspicious.  
However, their suspicions died once a boat came speeding from an island just out from the shoreline. 

They clambered aboard along with their luggage. It took two people to lift Fatin’s— a particularly fashionable girl who Shelby thought would get along like a riot with the kids.

Once they arrived at the nearby island, Toni clambered out of the boat onto the dock. The hot sun was now bearing down onto her exposed skin, small beads of sweat populated along her hairline as she helped Martha gather her belongings from the boat. She began walking backwards with a backpack swung on her shoulder, helping Martha out of the boat and onto the dock beside her.

That was when she felt something hard hit her square on the shoulder forcing her to cry out “Hey! Watch where you’re going!” She sneered before turning to her friend she had abruptly let go of.

“Maybe you should pay more attention,” The blonde who she had collided with bit back.

Toni watched in horror as beside her Martha scrambled to make an apology.

“We’re so sorry, I’m Martha, and this is Toni by the way.” Martha outstretched her hand to meet the blonde’s, smiling apologetically.

“Shelby–” She shook Martha’s hand giving a sugary sweet smile “It’s so nice to meet a friendly face! 

Toni wanted to gag. How fake can somebody be? 

She also noticed the silver metal of the girl’s cross necklace shining in the sun. 

It made sense, of course she was one of those girls, she thought.

Toni felt the anger bubble inside of her as the blonde eyed her, awaiting her reaction to her obvious dig. She gave no response and instead made her way up the dock and to the shore where a group of professional looking adults awaited them.

Once the group gathered, a woman with long dirty-blonde hair finally spoke.

“Welcome girls, to The Dawn of Eve; we are so happy you’re here with us.” 

Toni didn’t care that the woman in front of her seemed overtly creepy. She only cared about the sting of jealousy that crept into her subconscious as she watched her best friend laughing with the blonde girl who managed to get so under her skin.

In that moment she couldn’t help but regret her decision to come to this wretched place in the first place.

This is home now. She thought.


	2. Find an Island

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gretchen with the help of Jeanette leads the girls to a team building exercise. Only problem is, Toni isn’t exactly keen on the idea of being friendly with Shelby.

Gretchen, as the girls would come to know her; stood before the group. The blazing sun sending a stinging warmth across their delicate skin.  
Shelby knew this kind of heat well, the kind of dry July heat that sent even the most stoic of people into a head spin. Made people go a bit crazy as they tried to compose their humanity.

She let her eyes wander over the group until she found the brunette, with her tiny baby curls spilling out off her ponytail and onto her forehead. She let her mind wander for a moment before snapping right back into reality. 

It was the heat, she thought. The heat clouded her judgement.

Gretchen introduced the other adults as she welcomed them to the camp. Toni took no notice, she didn’t care much for pleasantries— and then there was that god-awful welcome video that played on an old projector screen right in the middle of camp. 

“Are you ready for a summer of female-centric learning and growth? The Dawn of Eve literally waits for no man.” Gretchen blasted through the old static speakers, her smiling face glowering down upon the group.

Toni wanted to gag.

Where was the good food, extra downtime and basketball she was promised? Not this hair braiding, kumbaya singing, girl power snooze-fest.

“Leave your bags girls, you’ve had a long flight to get here so be our guests.” Gretchen called out.

The adults beside her began collecting the girls items before taking them away to where Toni assumed they would be staying.

“Well ladies, we will leave you be to socialize with your peers and find your way around the island.” She finally instructed before heading off back into the centre of camp and disappearing.

Toni couldn’t get one word out to Martha behind her before the sunny blonde piped up.

“I don’t know about you, but I really want to get acquainted with that water!” She giggled to Martha, pointing to the shore where waves languidly lapped upon the black sand beach.

Martha excitedly nodded in response and both girls took off towards the water. Leaving Toni alone walking behind the group, an unsettling feeling brewing in the pit of her stomach. Martha was her whole family, her best friend and companion all rolled into one. Naturally, the feeling of her drifting away was not one that Toni was accustomed to. It felt like dark, thick, black sticky tar filled her stomach overflowing and grasping onto her lungs until she couldn’t breathe.

She couldn’t breathe.

She watched as the majority of the girls ran into the water, excitedly screaming and splashing in the gentle waves. Shelby sat on top of Martha’s shoulders and Leah on top of Rachel’s while they wrestled, their shrill screams filling the air as Leah toppled over and crashed into the waves, bringing Rachel with her.

“It’s okay, I’m not a fan of the water either.” Dot commented, empathizing with Toni who stood on the shore, longingly looking out to the sea.

“You just don’t want to part with those... pants,” Fatin retorted, her large sunglasses perched on the bridge of her nose as her eyes travelled up and down Dot’s body.

Fatin delicately lay up on the sand, her toffee coloured skin gleaming in the afternoon sunlight, soaking up the golden waves.

“Hey, I’ve got a question about your shirt.” Dot turned toward Fatin, gesturing at her pale pink graphic tee with “Bye Girl Bye” printed on the front.

Without missing a beat Fatin quickly retorted, “I’ve got a few questions about your cargo pants.” 

Toni watched the interaction between the two girls in amazement, laughing quietly to herself.

“Yeah well, I’m not a lesbian. Sorry to disappoint,” Dot’s eyes flickered to Toni for a brief second before returning to Fatin.

“I just like storage.” She finished, playing with the clasps on her pockets.

Toni didn’t wait to hear the rest of the girls’ exchange, instead she walked towards the shore; slipping her dirty Vans off of her feet, she dipped her toes in the water. She couldn’t get so much as a thought in before she heard Martha calling from over the waves.

“Come on Toni!” Martha cried over the crashing sea, Shelby clinging to her side waving her in.

She began wading into the water, and decided that there was no way she would not allow some Texan Barbie to steal her best friend.

God she hated her.

•

Later that evening the girls all gathered around a fire, laughing about something Nora said to mock Fatin. 

Shelby was enjoying the warmth of the crackling fire, perched in between Martha who snuggled up on her side and Toni; who was sitting as far away from her as possible without sitting in another seat. Shelby thought she could practically feel the hatred radiating off of Toni.

Shelby couldn’t help but sneak a glance at the angry brunette beside her. Her curls spilled over her shoulders, tiny droplets of salt water dripping off the ends. 

They had only come back from the beach recently as the sun had begun setting. It was now hanging low in the sky, vibrant pink clouds swirling through the changing sky. Shelby watched as the pink of the sky reflected off Toni’s olive skin; casting a rosy coloured glow over her. She knew she would have to pull her eyes away soon but something magnetic was drawing her closer. 

There was a thought she just could not shift, settling into the deepest corner of her mind. 

She was beautiful. Toni fucking Shalifoe was beautiful. She hated her but by God, she was beautiful. She grasped her silver cross necklace as the thoughts populated in her mind.

Her thoughts quickly disintegrated as she was interrupted by a smiling overzealous girl emerging in front of the group.

“Hi guys I’m Jeanette! Wanna do something fun?” She practically screeched, her eyes bug-like and wide.

Everyone followed along, stretching their aching muscles in the late evening glow.

Toni purposefully stood right at the back of the line of girls following Jeanette god knows where. She couldn’t stand to listen to her practically talk Nora’s ear off about her dogs and Pink. 

Who even actually likes Pink anyway?

They quickly reached a boat shed and yet another dock where a boat was waiting for them at the end. A young man with pointed features and a scar adorning his cheek awaited them in the captain's seat. He turned the key and the engine roared to life, the boat’s propellor causing ripples in the calm water. 

“Where are we going?” Leah questioned, asking the thought that was on all of their minds.

Jeanette didn’t give any explanation, instead waved them aboard. Nora shrugged, jumping on after and the rest quickly followed. Leah and Toni were the last to step aboard. Both as skeptical as each other.

Only when Martha beckoned did Toni step aboard. Leah followed soon after.

Off they went, toward yet another island. This one even more distant from the mainland and much more deserted.  
The sunset was now a vibrant orange colour, the sun casting a gorgeous golden light over the girls as the boat travelled across the channel.

“Anyone got their phone for a golden hour selfie?” Fatin asked the group, all the girls shook their heads. They had all left their phones in their bags as per Gretchen’s instructions.

Once they docked the girls exited the boat one by one, Shelby of course helping Martha whilst Toni stared daggers into the back of her ponytail.

Jeanette was the last on the boat along with the driver, “You girls go up to the beach, I think Gretchen left us something there,”

Jeanette had a smile that said a thousand different things. Well Toni thought so anyway. She couldn’t place the vibe she had, she just seemed creepy.

All of the girls headed toward the beach, an empty fire pit with burnt out logs lay undisturbed. It was too calm on the beach, the sound of the waves crashing and sea birds coming in to roost were the only noise filling the air. 

Then the boat’s motor started. Roaring into the dim light of the setting sun, the girls watched as Jeanette drove off without them.

Without them.

That’s when they all began screaming.

“Dottie go after her!” That was Shelby.

Dot tried running back to the dock, but the boat was already halfway to shore.

“What the fuck Jeanette!” Toni screamed, until her lungs gave out.

“Come back!” Rachel yelled, already waist-deep in the water.

“Did she really just do that?” That was Fatin, a lot less angry more disbelief.

It was almost dark now, the birds had stopped calling. The waves broke louder now, and the blazing heat of the summer sun was gone; freezing them in place.

They were alone. Jet lagged and exhausted on a freaking deserted island.

•

Toni couldn’t believe her luck (well her bad luck). First, ending up on the other side of the earth at a camp with Shelby Goodkind; and now stuck of a deserted island with Shelby fucking Goodkind.

Dot had found a cooler along with a note sent from Gretchen. 

‘Girls. We wanted to test you and bring you out of your comfort zone. Welcome to paradise! - G’

The girls sat around Shelby as she stood in front of them. Too exhausted to move.

“Eight Cokes, right now that’s all we gotta drink,” Shelby held up the cans, “Just eight of these.” 

Toni laughed, thinking the blonde couldn’t be serious about her optimism. In her mind some wackjob had left them to suffer on an island, this wasn’t some girl power moment.

“Okay, but don’t worry,” She pointed to the group, “‘Cause if God brought us to it, God will bring us through it!”

Toni sneered, “You know the whole Jesus saves thing isn’t like literally.” She laughed, looking deep into Shelby’s eyes, “He’s not gonna jetpack down and pull us out of here!”

Shelby gave the brunette a serious look, she knew that competitiveness very well and just how to get under her skin. So she continued. 

“No Toni, the lord saves those who save themselves,” She grinned as she watched the brunette in front of her visibly staunch, “Which is why I’m gonna take a look in the woods and see if Gretchen has left us anything else.”

Toni gritted her teeth, glaring at the blonde.

“Maybe you should come with.” Shelby offered, extending her hand out.

Toni scoffed “Hard pass.” 

Then Toni watched in horror as Martha began taking off her sandals and offering them to Shelby, who was wearing pastel yellow flip-flops.

“Here Shelby, take these.” She offered, earning a glare from Toni.

“You’re so generous.” Shelby smiled thanking the girl for her offer as she slipped on the sandals.

Toni shook her head, realising that this was just a game to Shelby, she decided she wanted in and most of all she wanted to win.

“You know what? Maybe I will go.” She sneered, “Make sure Christ doesn’t lead your ass into a fucking sink hole.”

Next thing she knew, she was after the blonde up a hill, covered every inch in tall pampas grass. They were making idle chatter as they made their way up the hill. Toni learning that Shelby wasn’t as much of a shrinking violet as she thought. She made a mental note to sleep with one eye open just in case Shelby decided to put her hunting skills to good use. 

“God built us to contain multitudes Toni,” Shelby lectured before putting her hands on her shoulders. The touch sent a shiver up her spine but Toni brushed it off as merely disgust. “Now, turn around ‘cause I have to pee.” 

Toni turned, “Plug your ears!” The blonde demanded, “Plug your ears or I’ll have to sing.”

Toni rolled her eyes and turned, holding her hand to her mouth as she tried to come up with something to say in return. 

Toni couldn’t believe it when she actually began singing. ‘Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path’ 

“Oh you’ve gotta be kidding me,” she groaned under her breath.

The problem was Shelby was a good singer, and it threw her off guard. She needed something to jest, anything to get a leg up on their little unspoken competition. Instead, she remained silent, looking around the field and desperately reminding herself to not look at the blonde.

They began their walk up the hill again, the darkness’ only company was the moonlight which shone over head. 

Toni groaned again, “I’m so sick of looking at your fucking ponytail, I think it thinks it’s better than me.” 

The blonde turned to look at her, her eyebrows raised in question as she sighed, “Then how about you go in front?” 

Toni gladly obliged “Fine.” She retorted as they switched places.

She knew she was faster than Shelby and she could keep her on her toes this way.

Shelby began praying loudly as they walked, instantly Toni scoffed shutting her down. She didn’t want to hear this religious bullshit as much as she wanted Shelby to go the hell away.

“Don’t you know He’s just a brainwashing tool designed to enslave the masses?” Toni offered, her upper lip curving into a disapproving look.

Shelby didn’t look phased and it bothered Toni, “Even if he were just a brainwashing tool don’t you think your brain could use a good... scrub?” She teased, looking the brunette up and down.

“Fuck off,” Toni replied, her tone as sharp as her features that hollowed in the silver moonlight.

They walked again, Shelby’s incessant praying continuing as Toni felt every last one of her nerves being consumed by her hatred for Shelby.

She wanted her to shut up.

Before she knew what was happening, Toni grabbed a branch that was blocking their way, allowing enough room for her to squeeze past before she let go. The force of the branch snapping back with a bitter vengeance, smacking Shelby head on as she tried to step through the gap.

Toni watched in slow motion as the blonde fell, tumbling down the hill. Gravity sending her plummeting to the bottom of the hill like a coin dropped down a well. The anger that consumed every piece of rationality in her mind vanished almost as quickly as it peaked. Now guilt wrapped it’s cold grasp around her body as Shelby surfaced at the bottom of the hill, pieces of grass and twigs wrapped up in her golden ponytail. 

“Fuck, fuck. Shelby!”

Toni’s feet moved faster than her thoughts, clambering down the hillside she was soon she stood face to face with Shelby.

“Shit. I swear I didn’t mean to,”

A metallic smell hit the air, the lazy glow of the moon was just enough to make out what she was seeing. The crimson colour of Shelby’s blood was a stark reminder of the consequences of her anger.

Shelby looked in a daze at Toni, crouched by her side. She offered a weak smile “It’s all right,” She could tell the brunette wasn’t listening however.

There she stood face to face with Shelby, face to face with the consequence of the emotion that overtook all sensibilities. When she saw that look on her face, she couldn’t help but feel so utterly broken. 

Her thoughts raced, her breathing laboured. What had she done? Why did this always seem to happen?

One thought stood out the most; How did she let herself hurt Shelby?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and your kudos/comments! It means a lot 🥰 just thought I’d pay homage to the island and give a little bit of the canon script in there too. Also confirmed season 2!!!!! I could cry.
> 
> You know where to find me on Twitter - @ARIESTONl so hmu I would love to chat with y’all!


	3. Imposter Syndrome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the girls await rescue, Shelby is stuck in a tug of war with her mind. While Toni thinks back to time where her rage began to take over. In present time her guilt is forcing her to believe she does not belong among the group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy! Thanks for reading and happy holidays 🥰

Shelby could make out the flavour of rust, bitter on her tongue; she could taste the hurt, the ache, the sadness.

She didn’t need all of her five senses to see the regret evident on Toni’s face, to hear her hurried apologies and her burning touch as she tried to console her.

She didn’t need her help. Not now anyway. 

She pushed Toni away, sending her ahead back to the other girls awaiting their arrival on the now dark beach.

She swiped the dirt from her side, trying to fix her hair and smooth out her clothes trying to calm her racing nerves. She was getting tired of fighting. Though her skin was thick, she couldn’t take much more.

Fighting with Toni was draining.

She wanted so desperately to hate the girl, just simply on principle. But she was finding it increasingly difficult to push aside her feelings. Just because she's supposed to hate Toni didn’t mean that she actually did.

Shelby limped back to the group, dabbing the small wound on her temple with her denim jacket, turning the cobalt blue a muddy brown.

Shelby wasn’t angry at Toni. Heck, she got sick of her own self sometimes; sick of being too much. Too loud, too optimistic, too bossy, too friendly and too pious. 

All of the thoughts racing in her head felt like too much. Her fists clenched so tight she couldn’t feel her nails digging into her palms as she ripped the tall feather-life pampas grass that surrounded her, from the ground. Silvery moonlight watching her as she let go for just one second. A white-hot blinding rage filling every space in her body. Then, just like that she stopped herself. Willing herself to put her pieces back together and follow Toni back out to the beach.

As she emerged she saw Toni, flustered— talking to Martha’s whose innocent eyes shone desperately in the moonlight. Searching for Shelby and then they landed upon her and relief filled them once more.

Shelby wondered what her eyes looked like, wondered if they still had a spark like Martha’s. 

“Shelby! What happened to your head?” Martha looked between Toni and Shelby. An unspoken knowing settled between the three girls.

“Ran into a tree, if you can believe it!” Shelby laughed, without hesitation she locked eyes with Toni.

Toni’s expression seemed to shift with every emotion she felt. Shelby tried to decipher every coded feeling but it was fruitless. Toni was complicated.

Much more so than Andrew. Who seemed to have only two emotions; bored and horny. Shelby hated to admit it, but she was thoroughly enjoying being on the other side of the earth to Andrew. She also hated to admit that she also enjoyed how complicated Toni was. It was fresh and exciting it made her feel as though her veins were made of lightning and her heart of thunder.

“Pack it up power puff girls! Your skinny asses will freeze without my fire!” Dot yelled from further down the beach.

True to her word, a blazing orange fire crackled and hummed a few feet down. The rest of the girls curled up in front of it like cats. 

“Did you find anything?” Leah asked, her eyes shifting between Shelby and Toni’s.

Shelby was the first to speak “No.” 

Leah looked angered by her response and cast her eyes out to sea.

“I hate this place.” 

Everyone agreed as they settled in for a cold night. The wind sending sharp blasts of sand at their exposed skin.

Toni stared into the fire, her mind flashing back to a memory from her childhood.

TONI - NINE YEARS AGO

Summer had taken its hold on Minnesota, wrapping its clammy hands around every exposed surface. A younger Toni and Martha sat upon the north shore of Lake Superior, dipping their toes into the cold water as they tossed stones into the lapping tide. They were only about seven or eight at the time.

Toni’s mother sat in the driver’s seat of her beat up red Toyota, the paint sun-faded on the bonnet and one of the back passenger windows permanently cracked open. As Toni watched, she took a long drag from the cigarette hanging from her shrewd lips, her other hand played with her thinning messy curls. Her infamous tan jacket hanging from her slim shoulders, freckled by the past summer sun.

She had just come back from her first stint of many in rehab. Toni felt as though she couldn’t look away from her ever since she got back; scared that the second she took her eyes off the older woman, she would disappear again.

Toni had been doing okay since she left. Just working on simply surviving everyday as it came. She was used to her taking off days at a time, but only this time she didn’t come back. In the first few days of her mother’s absence, she did well with rationing their limited supply of refrigerated food. Then when it ran out she rationed the canned food. She made sure to keep up with life as if her mother was still there. Going to school on time, taking out the trash, feeding their mangey cat and she even went downtown on her bike to pay the electricity bill (all with quarters she had saved in her blue piggybank). 

She fell into that routine for a few weeks, never raising suspicions of her peers or teachers. Everyday she thought about what it would be like to see her mother walk back through their front door. Everyday became more and more disappointing.

That was when the anger started. It was also the day she decided she really didn’t believe in God.

The anger was easy to control at first, but when she spilt her last can of spaghetti on the floor it felt like something snapped inside of her.

If God was real, why would he let a seven year old starve?

She was so hungry that day, the feeling fogging her brain as she hopped inside of her mother’s red Toyota. She had seen her mother drive plenty of times, she had studied the way she drove for years, just in case she had to do it one day.

Despite how small she was, she felt tall in the driver’s seat. She tilted the rear view mirror downwards, staring back at the reflection of her wild brown eyes. She turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life; she put the car into gear and began slowly out of the driveway. Gravel crackling under the tyres as she narrowly missed their red letterbox on her exit to the road.

The drive was easy enough, she remembered to stop at stop signs and red lights and used her indicators on the turns. The roads weren’t too busy, with dusk setting in she pulled into the parking lot of the supermarket. Fluorescent lights filling the darkness.

Once inside she settled her nerves, playing with the quarters in her pocket as she looked around the aisles. She picket out two cans off the shelf, stuffing them under her arm; it was all she could afford. The rest of her items she stuffed under her clothes and inside the pockets of her mother’s tan jacket that was much too large for her.

Toni paid for her two cans, charming the woman at the cash register to prevent her from looking at her overstuffed pockets. She said her goodbyes, before making the drive home again. 

It was silent in the house, except for her cat mewing excitedly as she topped up a dish with fresh food. The counter of her cramped kitchen covered in her haul from the supermarket.

She stared at the packet of rainbow candles the sat apart from the rest. She couldn’t help but stare at them before looking away quickly, scared that the fire in her eyes would set them alight. That was the first time rage consumed her like birch bark with a flame.

It was her birthday tomorrow and she would be all alone.

•

Shelby awoke with a startle to the sound a motor and a collection of voices.

She sat stark upright, the memories of the previous night coming back to her in fragments. The burnt out fire in front of her with embers still hot and the seven other girls sprawled out on the sand; reminding her that she had ended up in some nightmarish team building exercise.

Sure, she was used to less than conventional camp traditions over her years at various summer camps; but this was on a whole new level of crazy.

She stared out at sea, the island they were on yesterday just visible in the distance. The dock that was empty yesterday now had a boat tethered to the side, two figures standing beside it walking up the dock towards the beach.

Frickin’ hell, she wanted to scream and wake the others up. But she chose not to scare them, instead leaving her space as quietly as possible and heading up to the beach to where Jeanette and Alex were.

In her haste she heard a snap, a loose piece of driftwood caving under her weight as she ran along the shore.

Toni awoke with a startle. 

In her daze of fatigue she could barely make out the two figures in the distance, but she chose to follow Shelby anyway. Not wanting the blonde to take all the credit for finding their ticket back to the main island she ran to catch up, leaving the other girls still asleep on the sand.

Toni quickly caught up to Shelby, who only had a mere few seconds of a head start. She didn’t stand a chance against the seasoned athlete.

Jeanette stood smugly, waiting for the girls to finally reach her. They both panted heavily as they stood in front of her and Alex, disgruntled looks across their expressions.

“Hello campers!” She excitedly announced, greeting the girls as they exchanged ‘what the fuck’ looks.

“You’re fucking crazy, leaving us out here all night like this! We could’ve been eaten by a bear!” Toni blew up, jabbing her finger at Alex’s chest. He merely widened his eyes in response.

Toni didn’t like that.

“Picked off one by one like fucking feeding time at the zoo!” Toni practically had steam spouting from her ears as she screamed.

Shelby watched with her brows knitted as Jeanette smiled at Toni’s outburst. Her hair seemed different and her accent was much more Australian than it sounded yesterday.

“Are you done?” Jeanette asked.

Yep, that’s definitely Australian, Shelby concluded.

Toni looked at her, slack jaw, in awe of her response. This was so different to the girl she had talked to yesterday, she thought maybe she was losing her mind.

“Firstly, there are no bears in New Zealand,” She grinned “And secondly, I’ll tell you guys the whole story once we get back to camp. So go wake the others,”

Toni rolled her eyes, turning to the blonde beside her, “Race you?” She challenged.

Shelby nodded and they began their sprint back along the sand.

•

The girls sprawled out on various couches, cushions and bean bags. Reeling from their night spent alone in the sand.

“Girls, thank you for joining me this morning.” Gretchen greeted the group, standing poised in her towering stilettos.

Toni could have sworn she heard Dot whisper something snarky under her breath in response to the older woman.

“We wanted to give you a little explanation on what exactly you’ll be doing this summer with us.” 

She smiled, Shelby thought she looked uncomfortable speaking in front of them. She almost felt bad for her, considering for herself public speaking came naturally.

“At this camp, each of you will be playing an exceptionally important role in helping us to research and understand female role models and leadership in childhood as well as adolescence.”

“Is this bitch serious?” Toni whispered in Martha’s ear.

Martha simply responded with a jab to the ribs, not even looking at Toni.

Gretchen observed each girl, predicting their reaction to the revelation. “I’m sure your schools, parents and guardians all explained this trip to each of you differently; but know that the time you will spend here will be beneficial to your development as young leaders.”

“Firstly, I will introduce to you Linh; Who I am sure you all know as Jeanette,” Linh with her now longer hair swept into a messy ponytail waved at the group. 

“She is my research partner and will be gathering data throughout your stay with us. But make no mistake, she will also be your friend while you are here. So any questions or concerns you know who to go to.”

Linh spoke next, “But I won’t be your mum so don’t come crying to me, please.” She held her hands up jokingly.

The tension in the room seemed to slowly disappear as Gretchen explained more about the study.

Despite the collective response, Toni couldn’t help but still feel slightly uneasy. She wondered why she had been chosen? After all, she was never considered for anything leadership or role-model worthy back home, her attitude seemed to let her down most often. 

She felt like an imposter among these girls; she wondered if ever in her life she would feel as though she belonged somewhere. It was a strange and hollow feeling that filled her chest as she thought over the possibility. 

She did not belong here, she decided.

But as her eyes wandered over the group and naturally gravitated toward the blonde. She thought maybe she can hold on for a little longer, if it meant she can spend her time winding up little-miss-perfect.


	4. Magnets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shelby’s past comes back to bite while Shelby and Toni’s resentment for one-another reaches fever pitch.

FOUR:

It was lunchtime and the girls sat outside under the shade of a canopy. In the shade, the sweltering mid-day sun is unable to send its stinging rays at their delicate skin. 

Shelby watched at a distance as half of the group played a makeshift game of basketball; Toni was setting layups into an old hoop that looked as though it had seen many, many games in its time. Dot and Rachel were teamed up against Martha and of course Toni who looked smug as she ran rings around her two opposition. 

“She’s actually... good!” Fatin observed, peering over Shelby’s shoulder to catch a peak at the game unfolding. “You know, I thought Toni’s whole ‘cocky vibe’ was like a bravado, but when she goes pro you two are gonna make hella money!” 

Shelby stiffened, “Two?” She questioned, her head snapping back from the game to look at Fatin.

Fatin giggled, looking at her nails “Oh come on Shelby, I’m an expert and I know sexual tension when I see it,” Fatin squeezed Shelby’s arm reassuringly but it was already too late.

Shelby felt embarrassed, ashamed that she had let her guard slip so easily. Her mind was a mess of emotions, swirling so fast she felt sick. She felt crushed under the heavy weight of the gravity of her situation, pulling her small frame to the ground, as she grappled for control over her own mind.

She felt even worse when Dot approached her, basketball in one hand and water in the other. “Wanna sub in? I gotta piss,” Dot candidly questioned, unaware of the mental tug of war Shelby’s mind was currently fighting.

Shelby shook her head, “No thank you Dottie, I’m alright where I am,” Shelby smiled innocently hoping that Dot would leave her alone.

She didn’t. 

“Come on Goodkind, scared you’ll lose?” Toni taunted, her lips curling into a smile while her tongue cheekily darted out to run along her perfectly white teeth.

Dot hauled the blonde up from where she was sitting before pushing her towards the court, “Seriously Shelby, you’re good at everything you’ve ever tried,” Dot tossed her the ball. “You’ve got this.” 

Shelby walked begrudgingly toward the court while Martha cheered excitedly and Rachel started talking tactics. It was Toni’s silence however, that set her most on edge. Toni looked at her up and down, an unreadable expression cast upon her sharp features. 

It was quite hard to get used to at first but once she got her rhythm it seemed to flow naturally. She was good at intercepting and passing the ball between herself and Rachel, however, Rachel made all the shots. She would reach the basket and it felt as though she had hit a brick wall, her mind not allowing her to make the shot, instead she would panic and pass the ball to Rachel who never missed. They were behind by several points now, but it didn’t matter. Shelby knew the only way she would end this game satisfied is if she scored, the look on Toni’s face alone would be enough to send her into a headspin.

Her breathing ragged, sweat droplets pooling at her hairline and her legs shaking she tried again; one last effort. She shot the ball overhead, sending it soaring in an orange blur toward the ring, her heart pounded in her chest with every second that went by. Her ears began ringing as she felt the presence of another body, so close to hers they almost collided; she watched as Toni’s figure in a blur, soared through the air. She jumped so high Shelby thought for a split second that maybe she was dreaming all of this, maybe she was flying. Shelby shook the thought, blaming the warmth of the sun beating down on her for her delusions.

All of her hopes for upstaging Toni slipped away as she watched the ball rocket through the air, away from the basket as Toni smacked it away. 

In the aftermath, Shelby could hear Dot’s disappointed cry as the ball bounced off the court, the edges of her vision seemed to collapse in, a dark vignette enclosing on her view.

Toni walked up to Shelby, adrenaline pumping she leaned in to whisper “Didn’t think I’d let you win that easy, did you?” Toni teased, her voice hoarse as she whispered in Shelby’s ear. The raspy tones sending shivers up her spine.

Toni failed to notice as Shelby began slipping, her eyes rolling back and her hands shaking wildly. The dark vignette clouding her vision now turning into dark black spots that invaded her vision, sending her into a panic.

She began to collapse, Toni stood so close that she managed to catch her, holding her up with her arms, sending a burning touch and cold shivers dancing across Shelby’s skin.

“Goodkind don’t be dramatic-- come on, get up,” Toni tugged her but there was no movement, “Shelby?” Toni sounded desperate now as Shelby collapsed further.

Shelby felt calm as she let her eyes close, they were so heavy she needed to sleep. She felt herself losing all sense of time or space as everything faded to black. 

SHELBY - TWO YEARS AGO

Shelby sat in the plush red chair of the pageant’s dressing room. She was competing for Miss Teen Texas, a coveted spot that would surely secure a future standing in any pageant she wished to compete in. This was huge and she knew it. 

Shelby’s mother pinned her curls as she twisted her blonde locks off the sizzling curling iron. The smell of hairspray dense in the air sent her head spinning as she gripped the counter in front of her, the knuckles of her freshly manicured fingers turning white.

Months of preparation had gone into this pageant, from which dress she would wear, how she would walk, talk and sing. Every inch of her life for months had been criticised by her parents and coach, every single decision seemed to populate a list of pros and cons.

She sipped on her diet peach fizz, distracting her from the noise. She stared at the screen of her phone while her mother stepped away, scrolling through the numerous Instagram posts saved in her drafts, posts that were never to see the view of the public. Most of which included her best friend Becca.

Becca.

Videos and pictures flooded her screen, each precious memories of their friendship and the fun they had over their time together. With each photo Shelby felt a dreadful tug of guilt. Because if you looked hard enough at the photos and the videos you would see the look that only they shared, the longing in their touch and the way they just clicked; like magnets. But, of course there could be nothing more between the two of them. They were just kids, doing what, according to her father, would be considered as confused and on the wrong path, steering away from the Lord.

So, as she felt her mother step closer, she put her phone away. Again hiding her true self. Shutting away any piece of her identity that might compromise her path to being the perfect Shelby Goodkind that her parents expected her to be.

Shelby knew in that moment that her life would never be her own. She would never be allowed nor accepted in being the person she truly was. It was a terrifying thought.

She stared at herself in the mirror. No longer feeling a connection to her body she grimaced. Panic-stricken at the thought of forever living a lie, her mind raced as her body went into overdrive. The darkness in her vision quickly took over before all she could see was black.

Finally, she felt at peace in the darkness.

PRESENT:

Shelby sat up abruptly, knocking the glass of water that sat on the table next to her; sending it crashing to the ground below, shards of glass now shimmering in the sunlight. Her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest and her lungs were heaving to catch up. Still unaware of the events that had just taken place, she tried to take in her surroundings. She was sat propped up on an old lawn chair, ice pack stuffed behind her neck sending trickles of cooled water down her spine. Despite the cold, she still felt hot and bothered, unable to shake the uncomfortable and suffocating feeling the memory had left her with.

“Oh you’re up, thank god!” Martha cried, hugging the blonde so tight she thought her lungs might collapse.

Martha began rambling, her concern evident “Do you need anything? Food, water or we can take you to a hospital-” 

“She doesn’t need to go to a hospital, she’s fine.” That was Lihn, her abruptness cutting off Martha instantly.

Naturally Nora piped up next, “Fainting can be a sign of more severe conditions like, seizures, anemia or neurological conditions. A doctor can-” 

Shelby needed them to stop talking, now. “I’m fine!” She froze, her tone even surprising herself. “I’m blessed to have such concerned friends, but I’m seriously fine. I’m just going to go cool off at the beach.” She explained.

Shelby watched as Martha quickly came to her side once more. “I’d like to be alone, if y’all don’t mind,” She reiterated before disappearing down the sandy path towards the waves, not waiting for any protests from her fellow counselors. 

Now walking upon the hot sand, she almost turned right around as soon as she realised Toni was sitting among some rocks blocking her path to the waves. A serious expression gracing her pointed features, once she noticed Shelby her face hardened as all of the oxygen in the air surrounding her seemingly disappeared. Shelby sucked in a breath, scrambling to find any words she could to form a sentence as Toni’s presence knocked her off guard. 

“Hot as Hades today.” She remarked, noticing the air becoming exceedingly hot around them. 

Toni tried not to take much notice of the girl, hoping her silence would ward her off. To no avail of course. She wondered why Shelby was even here in the first place? She had scared the hell out of her earlier with her whole fainting dramatics. Toni couldn’t get the image of her falling limp out of her head all afternoon, leading her to need to cool off at the beach; albeit the salt water did nothing to wash away her anxieties. 

Shelby began again, “Every religion has their version of hell,” She walked closer now, standing mere steps from the brunette, “The Greek’s had Hades, Islam has Jahannam, Southern Baptists’ have the fire and brimstone kind,” Shelby got even closer, daring to sit down next to Toni.

Toni visibly ruffled, “Yeah I’m pretty sure this is hell, having to listen to you lecture.” 

“Maybe it is,” Shelby teased.

Toni clenched her jaw, “Hell is where the Lord sends us to teach us something,”

Toni looked up at her, her leg bouncing as she tried to contain her anger. She didn’t have the patience to listen to Shelby talking about God. Why should she believe in him anyway? If he was real why would he let her suffer for all of these years?

“I know he’s trying to teach me patience.” Shelby looked at Toni, knowing they had both been tip-toeing around their mutual hatred for far too long to let it lie. 

Toni merely laughed, ‘I do bug you. I knew it.” she smiled coyly, excited to get a one up on Shelby. 

“I just don’t understand why you run so hot all the time?” Shelby could see Toni’s anger snowballing, but she chose to continue; curiosity getting the best of her, “Martha said it’s not just about me. You’ve always been this way.” 

Shelby had confided in Martha earlier. Curious as to why Toni had such a dislike for her off the bat and why she had such an existential hatred for the world as a whole. Martha didn’t let up, and it looked like Toni wasn’t going to either. 

Toni shook her head, she couldn’t believe Shelby was trying to dig up dirt on her past. She was glad Martha hadn’t said anything, however, the sentiment did nothing to calm her fury. She chose to change the subject, not wanting to talk to Shelby of all people about her overall crappy upbringing. 

“That first day- why haven’t you told anyone about how I smacked you with the branch?” The guilt of the incident flaring up once more.

“Because it was an accident-” Shelby replied, Toni swiftly interjecting.

“We both know that it wasn’t.” 

Toni’s expression was unreadable now, Shelby was unsure what she should say next, fearing it might set Toni completely off.

“So what are you waiting for?” Toni challenged, knowing Shelby could tell the whole camp and she would look like a terrible, not to mention abusive person.

“I’m waiting to get off this island, so that I never have to think about you ever again.” Shelby admitted, her tone changing enough for Toni to realise she had the blonde flustered.

Shelby looked away as Toni smirked.

“I bet you think about all the different ways that you can get back at me,” Toni teased, wanting to see if the subtle meaning of her coded words would make Shelby blush.

Shelby merely rolled her eyes so Toni pushed further, “If you had the guts.” She looked smug now, a smile dancing across her delicate lips.

Without warning Toni got up from her seat and walked toward the blonde. She panicked, Toni’s unpredictable nature fueling the fire in her stomach as she thought about all of the possibilities of what could happen next. 

“You got a lot of people here think you’re all rainbows and unicorn shit.” Toni accused, her eyes darkening as they made an intense connection with Shelby’s green. 

“But I see you.”

In that moment Toni looked like a girl untamed, unafraid of what she wanted and unshackled by the world’s expectations of who she should be and what she should say. Shelby couldn’t deny her attraction any longer, the magnetism between them sending volts of electricity through the heatwaves surrounding them.

Toni turned, breaking their trance-like eye contact in the process. She began walking away but Shelby couldn’t let her have the last word. Almost instinctively she stretched her long, slim leg out to lightly kick Toni, hoping she would turn around and face her once more. Of course it worked, and she turned around swiftly; pure fire crackling inside of her mahogany coloured eyes. 

Toni smiled, loving the threat of competition, “That all you got?” She teased, knowing this jest was uncharacteristic of the Texan Barbie. 

Shelby staunched, “I have the strength for lots more, but I’m not gonna waste it on you.” Toni got closer, even closer than before as Shelby’s next blow echoed in the thick air, “You’re not worth it.” 

This quip stirred the white-hot anger once more in Toni, “You know who clings to religion?” She asked, not allowing Shelby the chance to answer, “People who like to tell themselves a nice story about who they are, ‘cause deep down, they’re hiding some pretty fucked up shit.” 

Shelby’s ears were ringing, the tension dissolving every rational thought in her mind. Her eyes darted to Toni’s lips as she dealt her final blow. Maybe Toni was right. She was hiding some fucked up shit deep, deep down. 

But the more she thought about it, the more apparent it wasn’t buried as deep as she initially intended it to be. Because all she could think about as Toni walked away was how badly she wanted to kiss the fiery brunette, her mind running away with thoughts of how Toni would taste like sea salt and scalding lust.

That moment was terrifying and electrifying all at once. Yet, she had never felt more alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading and happy new year to all reading in 2021 - grace 🥰


	5. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fatin goes missing and the girls team up to find her. Meanwhile, Toni’s anger becomes explosive at the expense of everyone around her, leading her to self destruct.

FIVE 

The evening sun hung low in the sky as the girls gathered for dinner, it was their last night of freedom before the campers arrived tomorrow afternoon. Naturally, they were enjoying their peace and quiet; trying to conserve as much energy as possible before the children had them on their toes night and day.

Toni was grateful for the full spread of food in front of her, the smell making the pangs of hunger amplify. She felt like Harry Potter in the Philosopher's Stone, seeing the feast in the Great Hall for the first time; except she didn’t have the dorky glasses nor the wizarding magic. Albeit, she was still very happy, the memory reminding her of when she and Martha would watch Harry Potter.

However, she wouldn’t get so much as a bite in before Dot rushed towards their table, looking noticeably distraught. The laughter at the table seemed to dissipate instantly upon her arrival, solemn expressions gracing their features. 

“Dottie, why the long face?” Shelby asked, her brows furrowed.

Toni felt a knot tying itself in her stomach, “It’s Fatin, I can’t find her anywhere.” Dot explained, her lip pursed, hands agitated.

Most of the girls looked around, trying to piece together where they had last seen the girl, she wasn’t hard to miss so Shelby wondered why they had only just noticed her gone.

Rachel laughed, “Did you check the beach? She’s probably catching the last of the sun... You know equal tanning or some bullshit,” 

“This is my fault, I should’ve kept my mouth shut.” Leah agonized, guilt written all over her face as she avoided eye contact with the group.

“What did you say to her?” Dot aggressively questioned, anger spilling over.

Each girl’s voice began getting louder and louder as they tried to argue over what had happened to Fatin and where she was. Toni decided she had enough, the bickering setting her on edge.

“Guys seriously, be quiet!” Her voice breaking through the chaos, Shelby couldn’t help but look at her from the other end of the table where she and Martha sat. 

The sun now shadowing Toni in a beautiful evening glow, she looked powerful as she restored order. Shelby found it hard to peel her eyes off of the brunette as she spoke again.

“We don’t have much daylight so let's not waste it, yeah?” Toni surveyed the group making her decision. “Rachel, Dot and I will go into the forest, Nora and Leah you stay here in case she comes back and Marty you look around the beaches, got it?” She looked at the girls, hoping for once they could all agree.

Shelby raised her hand from the end of the table, “And what about me? My daddy always says many hands make light work,” She grinned her beaming megawatt smile, hoping Toni had merely overlooked her and not forgotten. 

Martha tried to interject, Toni was unsure if she was trying to help herself or Shelby with her consolation; she wasn’t used to sharing Martha so the thought made her feel uneasy. 

“Shelby you fainted, I think Toni’s trying to get you to rest.” She explained, her eyes flickering between Shelby’s and Toni. 

“Well, I have helped with many search and rescue groups back home, so I’ll be going with,” Shelby was taken aback by Martha’s concern. She felt fine, it was nothing she wasn’t used to. “Seriously Martha, the Lord has my back and it was just a little heat exhaustion, nothin’ major!”

Toni messed with the straps of her basketball shirt, not exactly looking forward to walking into a forest during the sunset with the blonde. 

“Great, now let's move it!” Dot urged, gesturing toward the forest.

The girls split up, leaving their dinners sitting practically untouched on the table as they geared up to track down Fatin.

“You guys have a look around but if we’re not back in twenty minutes follow us, okay?” Dot organised, the remaining girls agreed and headed off to their respective search site. 

Naturally, Dot and Rachel took the lead, leaving Shelby and Toni to hang back; neither one making any effort to acknowledge the other. The track leading into the forest was weathered, most parts overgrown by stubborn thick bush leaving not much evidence of Fatin’s movements. Toni quickly regretted not eating any dinner as her stomach growled loudly, practically echoing off of the forests’ dense flora. She could also feel the uncomfortable silence settle between herself and Shelby as they made their way deeper and deeper into the brush, Shelby intensely staring at the ground the entire time.

Toni suddenly felt subconscious about her lack of nice footwear, her scruffy Vans still managed to get her from A to B but she guessed Shelby would be the type to throw out a pair of shoes if she got a mere speck of dirt on them. Toni decided to make her discomfort known, Rachel and Dot were now way ahead of them.

“If you’ve got a problem with my shoes just keep it to yourself, I really do not care,” Toni practically growled, her teeth clenched as she spoke her words filled with venom. “Unlike you, some of us actually have to work for what we own.”

It wasn’t true that she didn’t care, in fact she did care. She had saved the majority of her earnings from serving at the local bar and grill in her town, using some to pay for her expenses and the rest for savings for college. The many long nights and irritating customers were all worth it when she could finally quit; leaving the next day to the other side of the world to this very camp. She had bought these shoes in her first month of working there, as a small achievement of getting that job and keeping it. They served as a reminder of how far she had come that year, despite their wear, the memories associated with them were far too great to simply throw away and get a new pair.

Shelby sighed finally breaking her silence, “Toni I don’t care about your shoes, I’m looking at the path for tracks.” She deadpanned, not giving an inch of emotion.

She wanted to defend herself, tell Toni that she had worked for everything she owned but the fact was that it wasn’t true. She knew she was exceptionally lucky to have parents who bought her necessities; she just wished she could explain to Toni a little bit more about why she hadn’t exactly hit the jackpot in the parent department. But it was futile, talking to her about the realities of her parents, there was no way she wanted to get close to Toni; she could never allow herself that.

“Right, forgot you like to hunt innocent animals,” Toni scoffed, Shelby merely rolled her eyes giving no response.

Toni had to admit she enjoyed their back and forth bickering, so hearing Shelby (or not hearing Shelby for that matter), was getting rather mundane.

“C’mon Goodkind, no Godly explanation for that one?” Toni teased again, and yet again there was a deafening silence from the girl next to her.

Toni huffed, continuing to walk along the path that was now narrowing, leading to a crossroad, both sides marked by a wooden set of arrows. Unfortunately both names on the sign were left unreadable as moss blooms encroached on the writing. 

“We should go separate ways, we’ll cover more ground that way,” Shelby suggested, looking along the paths before deciding to head down the right side.

Toni shook her head, shocked at the girls’ brash decision. She was surprised that Shelby was acting so impulsively and so emotionally, she thought she was the type to agonise over these types of dilemmas. Then again, what did she know about the REAL Shelby Goodkind?

“Wow, for how much you were talking yourself up about the whole ‘tracking’ thing, I thought you would see it before I did,” Toni teased, watching Shelby turn around immediately.

“See what?” Shelby exhaled, approaching the brunette once more.

Toni brushed away a branch that had covered a small portion of the sign, revealing a small red X marked on the left side of the sign; in bright red nail polish. 

“Fatin,” Shelby breathed out in relief with a small smile on her lips, her eyes immediately meeting Toni’s searching with an unreadable expression.

“Yeah, I’m not as stupid as I look Shelby,” Toni huffed, taking the lead down the path.

Without missing a beat Shelby responded, “You’re not stupid,” She admitted, she was unsure if Toni could hear her meek words over the crashing of water however.

Toni took off in a sprint, following the sound as it got louder and louder with Shelby following behind at a slower pace. The thick undergrowth began slowly dissolving into smaller less crowded bush, opening out finally to a massive pool of shimmering water; a bright blue colour which reflected the sky. Most notably however, was the magnificent cascading waterfall, which sent streams of glistening crystal clear water into the pool below. 

It was a spectacular sight, and even more so seeing as Fatin was perched on a rock, holding her phone to the sky desperately reaching for bars. 

“Fatin!” Shelby yelled, startling her in the process. 

Toni had expected for Fatin to slip and take a spectacular dive straight into the water. However, she managed to gather her balance and composure before sauntering over to the two girls waiting.

“Hey-oh!” She excitedly cheered, “MTV Welcome to my crib!” 

Toni laughed so hard her cheeks hurt from smiling watching Fatin make a fool out of herself. Shelby found it hilarious too, laughing and whooping along to Fatin’s antics. The tension overhead somewhat cooled for a moment as they relaxed. 

“Fatin!” Dot cried, emerging from the path behind them and rushing to greet her lost friend; followed by Rachel, Nora, Leah and Martha.

Toni wasted no time, stripping her exterior clothing and settling the garments on a rock nestled in the shade; she stretched for a moment, letting the sun hit her skin before diving into the cool water, languidly rising to the top to float. Despite the sun only being a mere hour from setting, the temperature was still balmy so the cold of the water was a welcomed treat. She let her tired muscles relax in the water, controlling her breathing gently as she lapped around the water. It was the first time since her arrival to the island that she felt somewhat calm, her turbulent thoughts muted by the continuous crashing of the waterfall behind her. As she dove under the water she felt a sense of relief, because for the first time that day she could finally not feel Shelby’s eyes watching her; it was those green eyes that sent shivers down her spine. Toni rose to the surface once more, her lungs incapable of keeping her underwater for much longer; this time when she looked to the shore only Fatin remained, the rest of the group had now joined her in the pool.

Leah remained close to shore along with Dot as they both chatted to Fatin. Nora waded up to her knees, inspecting the plants and rocks in the water, while Rachel swam laps across the length of the lake, creating small waves in her wake. Then there was Martha and Shelby who were laughing whilst they played in the water, Shelby clinging to Martha’s side as Rachel’s waves crept up to her shoulders. Almost immediately Toni felt the dark thoughts creep back in, she couldn't tear her eyes away from Martha and Shelby. Who were now directly opposite her in the water laughing about something only they knew. 

Toni had these dark, capricious moods ever since she was a little girl, and usually Martha was the one to help her retract from them. But right now, seeing Martha with Shelby was the tipping point that made her realise she was losing her best friend and only family. It was a stark realisation, being surrounded by people but being all alone. 

Shelby swam to shore and pulled herself out of the water and onto the warm rocks, pulling her phone from the pocket of her dry shorts she held it up to the sky, hoping for service.

NO SERVICE

She walked around the perimeter of the water, silently praying for something, anything. She so desperately wanted to contact the outside world.

SERVICE - ONE BAR - ROAMING

Praise Jesus, she thought, silently thanking the sky. Immediately she went to her contacts, selected MOM and pressed the phone to her ear, hearing the familiar ringing tone.

Her excitement dampened when the call immediately went to voicemail however.

‘This is the Goodkinds, leave a message and have a blessed day!’ 

Shelby sighed, her father’s voice on the recording still made the hair at the back of her neck stand at attention. 

“Hi guys, it’s Shelby! Uh, I’m missing you all, camp is great and the girls are lovely. I am so blessed with such great company,” She felt tears prickling at her eyes as she thought about her family. “You guys were right, and I just can’t wait to come home and be the best daughter for you again, I lo-”

The answer machine beeped, signaling the end of her message, Shelby’s stomach dropped.

‘I love you.’ She whispered into the phone, the memory of her father’s voice still echoing in her head. 

Shelby took her phone from her ear, staring blankly as text after text rolled in; all dated from the day previous. Her stomach dropped even lower, more than she thought was possible as her mind processed the words on the illuminated screen.

11:58am Sunday: December 27th ‘Babe, you won’t see this til you get back but I’ve moved on.’

11:59am Sunday: December 27th ‘I can’t wait forever, you know a man has his needs.’

12:01pm Sunday: December 27th ‘It’s nothing personal. I just think it’s best for us to not see each other.’

03:44am Monday: December 28th ‘Don’t text or call, Christa wants me to block your number.’

03:45am Monday: December 28th ‘Goodbye Shelby.’

Martha looked up at Shelby from the water, noticing her sudden change in demeanor, "Everything okay Shelb?" She asked. 

“It’s Andrew… He uh-- he broke up with me…” Shelby revealed.

Toni knew that she shouldn't be listening in but she couldn't help it. She swore that if she looked hard enough she could see Shelby’s guard dropping for just one second, before she built it up again. 

“Over text, God who even does that anymore?” She laughed but it sounded strangled, breathy and uncomfortable. 

Toni had to admit to herself that despite her dislike of the girl, she knew that she didn’t deserve that; to be left ignored and unappreciated in a foreign country. She had of course heard of Andrew, the Ken Doll to Shelby’s Barbie, well, that was how Shelby painted him. However, the Andrew that Dot described seemed more realistic and much more telling of what Toni was witnessing.

Martha fled the water and engulfed her in a hug, “Oh Shelb, I am so sorry,” She sympathised, “You deserve so much better.” 

“Guys, we should probably go back. The sun is going down.” Rachel pointed to the sun which was now dipping below the horizon, completely unaware of Shelby's undoing.

“C’mon Shelby, there’s probably ice cream back at camp.” Martha wrapped her arm around the taller blonde, leading them both back down the trail and into the forest.

Toni followed behind the pair. She felt torn, she herself had gone through a breakup not long ago; maybe she could help Shelby? But then she shook the thought, Shelby wasn’t her friend and she definitely wasn’t some damsel in distress. Toni noticed how unlike most teenage girls their age; Shelby wasn’t hysterically crying or singing break up songs or even remotely showing any emotion at all. Instead, she was silent somewhere faraway in her thoughts however, as Toni could practically see the gears spinning inside of her mind. She also noted how Shelby tended to hold herself very uptight, almost as if she was shielding herself and yet with this revelation she seemed to deflate as if she was relieved? Toni decided to keep these cards close to her chest, deciding that maybe one day she would ask Shelby about the truth.

•

After they returned from the waterfall, the girls were seated around a smoldering fire watching some dumb movie that Shelby requested. Nobody put up any fight with the selection however, Martha let it slip to the other girls about the situation and they agreed knowing that the best thing was to keep her occupied. The girls enjoyed the leftovers from their forgotten dinners as well as dessert, including of course ice cream with flame burnt marshmallows and s’mores. Citronella candles burnt around them, keeping the pesky mosquitoes away as well as casting a gorgeous orange wash over the camp, lighting up the darkness surrounding them. It was idyllic, the calm before the storm so to speak; before the children arrived and the next weeks would be sacrificed to the chaos of glorified babysitting.

Leah returned from the bathroom, a slip of paper in her hand as she rejoined the group.

“What ya got there lil’ lady?” Fatin forced a very strange southern accent, Dot giving her a glare in the process.

Leah held the paper up to the group, “I went to find my bag and I found this instead,” The group collectively squinted trying to read the tiny font.

“A cabin sleeping arrangement? What are we, fifth graders?” Toni stood up, reading the list finding her name at the bottom of the page.

You have got to be kidding, she thought.

Cabin/Group 1: Leah & Fatin  
Cabin/Group 2: Nora & Dot  
Cabin/Group 3: Rachel & Martha  
Cabin/Group 4: Toni & Shelby

“Well… it’s interesting.” Martha suggested, the rest of the girls were silent.

“Leah, I claim the closet.” Fatin announced, practically sprinting as fast as her flip flops would take her to the cabins in the distance.

Shortly thereafter Leah followed, “FATIN! WHAT THE FUCK WAIT!” She screamed, barreling down the pathway.

The rest of the girls decided not to race, simply walking to the cabins. Most deciding that having a direct split down the centre of the cabin was the most logical way to survive the camp.

“Shelby, I can talk to Gretchen tomorrow and get our cabins switched, it shouldn’t be too hard,” Martha proposed, leaving Toni with that same sickly jealous feeling she had ever since she arrived here.

To her surprise, Shelby disagreed, “Thank you Martha, truly. But I’ll be okay, God gives challenges to the best of us,” She smiled graciously, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

Toni was fuming at this point, the anger beginning to creep its way into her bloodstream, turning her veins to ice.

“Cabin four, this is us,” Shelby smiled, leaving Martha to go ahead with Rachel.

Toni waited in the doorway as Shelby unlocked the door, her hands were slightly shaky as she tried to get the key to fit inside the lock. Toni thought about reaching out to steady her hand but she didn’t dare move. Finally, once the creaky door swung open they breached the threshold.

The cabin was small, with one bunk bed pressed against the near wall and a freestanding wardrobe and drawers against the other. A small adjoining bathroom was connected with the left wall whilst the right wall held a full length mirror and various paintings of other New Zealand landscapes they had never seen before; Piha, Muriwai Beach and Karioitahi Beach all sporting gorgeous sceneries and even black sand just like the island they were on. There were also hooks which held no frames. Toni assumed these were for visitors wanting to make the place feel more like home by hanging their own, however, she didn’t have anything to hang.

Toni wheeled in her stuffed suitcase which sat outside on their rickety porch. Shelby did the same as neither of them spoke a word. It was a deafening silence, one that spoke louder than words; one she had become accustomed to since knowing Shelby.

The silence however, was broken once Shelby began putting up her pictures on the wall. One of which was her hugging a boy around the same age with dirty blonde hair, Toni didn’t have to be a genius to figure out he was the infamous Andrew. Toni was unsure where it came from but her anger reared its ugly head as soon as she saw it.

“You can’t be fucking serious?” Toni grunted, her eyes staring daggers at the man in the photo.

Shelby looked at Toni with a defeated expression, “Toni please, don’t.”

Toni seethed with anger, how could she put somebody on a pedestal like that? Someone who just hours ago broke her heart? Toni couldn’t understand and there was no amount of explaining that Shelby could do that would justify it in her mind.

“Why did you put his face up there like it’s a fucking shrine Shelby? He hurt you, he doesn’t deserve this, he doesn’t deserve you—!” Toni ranted, her hands desperately pointing at the photo on the wall.

‘He doesn’t deserve you’ it echoed in her mind.

Shelby looked defeated and so small, Toni had never thought a girl so headstrong and determined like her could be so broken down and unwilling. It was a terrifying sight.

Without thinking she grabbed the photo, tearing it off the wall, Shelby panicked “Toni stop, what are you doing!” She cried, watching as Toni threw the frame to the floor, glass shattering and spraying across the wooden floorboards.

Toni couldn’t hear her though, her ears ringing in pure adrenaline fuelled rage, her foot slamming down on the picture; squashing it as though she were putting out a cigarette.

“Please Toni, he’s all I have!” Shelby cried, her eyes welling with tears. “He’s all I have left.” She whispered finally, tears now streaming down her cheeks.

But it was too late and they both knew it.

“Shelby I—“ There was no time to finish before Shelby ran out the door, slamming it so hard on the way out that the only other photo hanging on the wall fell too.

Shelby’s family portrait took a swan dive to the floor to meet the same fate as Andrew’s. The glass smashing in the process leaving a nasty crack right over the centre of her father’s face. Toni picked up the photos off the floor, dusting them off she set them back on the wall. Knowing that it was too little too late, her pride not letting her give up as she swept the glass away with her bare hands; shards embedding themselves into her calloused hands. Small droplets of crimson beginning to pool in her palms.

Toni sat outside the cabin for what felt like hours before Shelby finally returned, Martha in tow. Her eyes were bloodshot and nose red from crying and it made the guilt Toni was feeling about a thousand times more severe. Shelby didn’t even look at her as she went inside the cabin, Martha however was staring holes into the tan jacket she wore; it looked more grey now, in the glimmer of the silver moonlight.

Martha sighed as she saw her best friend begin to wilt. Toni never cried, only ever in front of Martha and even then it was never a normal occurrence. But right now, she looked like a fragile porcelain doll, sitting on the highest shelf about to fall with even the tiniest gust of wind.

“Marty I—“ She croaked, tears burning in her tear ducts as she desperately tried to hold them back.

“No Toni,” She cut her off, her voice sharp and deadly, “Why can’t you ever just walk away?”

Toni’s head dropped in shame, her bloodied hands shaking. “Or even just run, you know,” Martha’s voice shook with anger every word dripping with pure truth, “And not make your shit everyone else’s problem!”

She couldn’t believe such harsh words were coming from her best friend, the ache in her chest growing and growing. She was defeated knowing that Martha was right, she was hot headed and uncontrollable at everyone else’s expense.

“You ruin things.” Tears were threatening to spill now but she would not allow them to fall in front of Martha.

“You destroy things, and you break things!” Martha was crying now, her voice breaking as she yelled.

Toni felt her heart shatter at her next sentence, too shocked to dare say anything back. “And I’m done picking up the pieces for you.”

Finally, she let a lone tear slip, the hot tear spilling down her face was the only thing she could feel; she was numb.

“You’re exhausting.” 

She felt all the air leave her lungs as Martha walked away. Defeated, she fell to her knees, her fragile body causing the old floorboard of the porch to creak and groan. Heavy, silent agonising sobs shook her entire body as she lay on the hardwood, the cold of the floor against her cheek being one of the only things to keep her aware of her surroundings. 

After a while, Toni quickly wiped away her tears, forcing herself to get up. She wouldn’t allow herself to stay outside all night feeling sorry for herself. Instead she crept inside the cabin, snatching her phone and headphones from her bag before sneaking back out the door, trying to close it as quietly as possible. 

It was futile however, she heard Shelby shift in her bed turning to face her at the door. She looked so young with her green eyes shining in the moonlight, her arms clutching the picture of her family close to her chest.

“Toni,” She whispered, her voice hoarse and shaky, “I don't hate you, I forgive you,” 

Toni scoffed, her wounded hands clutching the doorway so tight her knuckles went white, “Save your forgiveness for someone who deserves it.”

Toni looked at Shelby one more time before she shut the door. Her feet carried her away as she ran toward the water, her heart pounding and lungs heaving as she quickened her pace, trying to put as much distance between herself and the cabin as possible. Turning up the volume on her headphones she ran into the night, knowing that if she managed to get to sleep tonight Shelby’s green eyes would haunt her dreams. So, she ran until exhaustion consumed her every cell hoping that the tiredness would keep those unconscious thoughts at bay. 

She only wished it was that easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> choo choo all aboard the angst train 🚂 next stop: friends to lovers 😌   
> thank you for reading as always and stay groovy - g


	6. Retribution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things begin to become turbulent at the camp and Toni takes ill, forcing true feelings to come to the surface.

SIX: 

It had been a few days now since the incident. Toni had retreated within herself, barely speaking to anyone unless it was the kids. She was great with the kids.

Shelby awoke with a pounding headache, the pressure in her ears sending the room spinning around her. Discombobulated she momentarily forgot where she was, upon realising she was still at camp— on the other side of the world to her whole life, she sighed. Another day in paradise, she thought. Pushing herself up out of bed, she padded across the hardwood floor and toward the bathroom; she willed herself not to check the top bunk to see if Toni had made it back to the cabin. She had heard her crying on the front steps, and try as she might, it was impossible not to eavesdrop. She set the shower onto hot and stripped herself of her pyjamas, before standing in front of the mirror, staring back at her blank body in her reflection.

Shelby removed the retainer from her mouth, washing the plate under the cool water just as she did every morning and every night. Now staring at her reflection once again, toothless and devoid of her mask, she smiled. She hated meeting new people, especially new people she had to spend excessive amounts of time with. She knew she had to keep her guard up at all times around these new faces, always be two steps ahead and prepared for any situation. She wondered if Toni had secrets too, she wondered if it was just a stage of growing up where everything became uncomfortable and unbearable.

There was a pounding on the door, snapping her out of her thoughts. “Hurry up Goodkind, I gotta pee!” 

It was Toni, as fiery as every on the other side of the door. It was one of the first things Toni had said to her in days.

“Just a second!” She called, slipping behind the shower curtain and stepping into the warm water.

“Are you seriously showering while I have to pee? It’s like torture!” Toni moaned, her face pressed against the door now.

“You can come in, I’m behind the curtain,” Shelby squeaked, struggling to maintain her usual smooth southern tone.

Toni laughed, however it sounded strained in the echoing room, “Relax, I’m gay but I’m not going to perv on you.” 

“That’s not what I meant,” Shelby corrected, her tone harsher than she intended.

When Toni said nothing Shelby tried to calm her racing heart by focusing on shampooing her hair, letting a nice lather of her expensive shampoo wash gently through her locks.

“Is there cinnamon in your shampoo?” Toni asked loudly, surprising herself with her boldness, while trying to fill the silence.

“Um,” Shelby checked the back of the bottle humming to herself, “Yeah, there is, but how did you know?” 

Toni shrugged nonchalantly, unaware that her simple question could mean so much to the blonde. She got up to the sink, taking time to wash her hands in the shallow basin before looking at herself in the mirror. She noted her freckles had become darker in the sunshine, much more pronounced now on the narrow bridge of her nose and melted into her dark hairline. 

“Dunno, lucky guess.” Toni teased, her tone abrupt as always, not wanting Shelby to realise just how much she had been studying her.

However, Shelby took no notice. Instead, she was preoccupied with panicking as she had realised too late that her dentures were sitting on the edge of the sink, in plain view of Toni who was now standing in front of the mirror. She tried to come up with a list of excuses as she usually did when people got a little too close to finding out the truth. However, this was futile.

“Toni I-” She started, trying to give her the most convincing excuse.

“Shelby, I already figured,” She shrugged, Shelby now had her head sticking out of the curtain, the rest of her body still covered. 

Shelby’s eyes widened, she hadn’t realised she had been so obvious. 

“You know about them?” She questioned, her green eyes staring directly at the dentures sitting in all their glory wide in the open.

Toni nodded, “You always get up before me, you always try to eat alone and if you can’t you always excuse yourself.” She listed, “Also when you smile or you laugh you cover your mouth; which I think is fucking stupid, you have a nice smile,” She admitted, sending Shelby’s heart racing.

Nobody had ever paid attention to her like that, even Andrew struggled to notice her. Her parents barely knew a thing about her apart from the narrow list of accepted activities they had forced upon her. She was absolutely blown away and it seemed as though Toni had no idea how much this simple conversation could change so much for her.

“You shouldn’t hide yourself Shelby,” Toni shrugged, her tone quiet but comforting.

Shelby simply smiled, unable to fathom a comprehensible sentence.

“Now hurry up, we’ve got to get these little shits up for breakfast!” Toni called, already back by her bunk rifling through her bag.

Shelby smiled, there was the same brooding Toni back again. But the slightest glimpse of what friendship could look like with Toni had her heart soaring for the rest of the day.

It was an odd day compared to the first few they had; with the kids they were carefully observed by the watchful eye of Gretchen and Linh. Today however, they were nowhere in sight, instead instructions left for each of the groups would be the only guidance they had. Shelby had to admit, it was easier to lead with Toni when there were no instructions to fuss over. However, they still seemed to butt heads no matter what.

Now they were preparing for dinner, having sent the kids for free time while they set up; the dining hall was practically empty besides the eight girls all gathered in the kitchen staring at a note left by the cooks.

‘FUCK YOU GRETCHEN’ was scrawled in bright red sharpie.

“Well, that’s peachy,” Dot sneered, reading the note with a scrunched up face.

“Where is the wicked bitch of the west anyway?” Fatin asked, sitting on top of the kitchen counter.

“Or Lihn…” Leah trailed, a faraway look glossing over her eyes.

Rachel was practically fuming, her arms folded over her chest as she tapped her foot impatiently.

“What the fuck are we supposed to do with no food and like thirty kids to feed!” She yelled, her hands flailing as she gestured to the kids playing outside; oblivious to the chaos unfolding.

“Y’all seriously need to relax,” Shelby fronted, taking a deep breath before she continued, “Back home, my church always had spare food on hand, so let’s do a little digging and see what we find!” She suggested, swinging around the counter and setting her sights on a large chest freezer.

“Screw this!” Rachel huffed, making her way toward the exit, “I’m going out there to see if there’s anything on this stupid island that we can live off when you’re stupid church food runs out.” Nobody protested as the door slammed shut behind her.

“Bingo!” Martha yelled from the opposite end of the kitchen where another chest freezer sat.

She pulled two large casserole dishes from inside and set them on the counter, small flakes of ice chipping off of the sides.

“Oh Marty you’re a genius,” Toni smiled, examining the dishes, “This is Mac and cheese and this—“ She peeled away the lid of one more examining its contents. 

“Lasagne, definitely lasagne,” Dot commented, peering over Toni’s shoulder.

Forty minutes later the girls had managed to heat two trays of macaroni, and found some salad and rolls to accompany. They were pretty excited with their haul, managing not to raise the alarm of the campers, who were now happily munching away on their dinners. It was late but no one had complained which made it all the worthwhile as the sun began to set over the horizon.

The group were still awaiting the arrival of Rachel, not allowing themselves to eat until she did. They even managed to get their groups to bed and settled before she did finally return; their macaroni sitting in the oven still warmed to eat.

“Hey party people, who’s ready to fucking feast?” She called from the entrance of the dining hall, a burlap sack in hand.

There was a chorus of cheers and hollars as she unveiled the mussels that she had expertly collected for their dinner, it was a sight to see as Rachel danced her way into the centre of the room and without saying a word prepared them ready to eat.

They were all sat around a round dining table, full of rolls and salads and the leftovers of the dishes they had found for the kids. It looked marvellous. Each girl smiled, content that they had managed to scrounge this meal together. It was enough to let them relax and not think about the possibility that they were now alone on the island with no guidance and no contact to the outside world.

“Hell yeah, I can feel my health meter coming back to a hundred,” Dot beamed, slurping down a mussel.

The group collectively agreed, chowing down on their meal. 

“I know that they’re little animals but I can’t stop eating them,” Martha admitted, slightly guilty but fed all the same.

“You should give yourself a pass for invertebrates,” Nora commented, also happily munching away.

“And starvation situations,” Leah added, her mouth full of mussels as she chewed.

The girls agreed, the sun had cast a brilliant yellow glow over the group now as it began its descent in the sky. 

“You’re not eating any mussels, Shelby?” Martha asked, noting that Shelby had been very selective in what she ate, avoiding anything that had touched the mussels.

Shelby’s eyes widened, “Mm no, no, I’m good,” She smiled at the floor, not used to people noticing her habits, “Oh, I’m beyond allergic to shellfish,” She admitted.

Toni watched as Shelby explained, she seemed tense almost as if recounting the memory sent her into a panic.

“I had a single popcorn shrimp at my cousin’s birthday party, my windpipe shut like a trap.” She explained, her southern accent more prominent when she panicked, Toni noted.

“Well you’re missing out! I mean ideally these would be eaten with garlic butter and crispy fries on a terrace in Barcelona,” Fatin dreamed, her visuals making the girls crave foods from outside the island even more.

“But Salut!” She cheered, raising her mussel shell to Rachel before downing the meat inside.

Toni scoffed, “Fucking ‘one-percenters’,” She downed yet another mussel, licking the shell clean.

She loved seafood, whenever her neighbour found out about Toni’s mother being back in town after one of her stints in rehab; he would bring over some prawns and crab just to be neighbourly. It was one of Toni’s fondest memories, sitting with her mother at the dining table and feasting on deliciously fresh seafood.

“Damn Toni, you’re plowing through those,” The girls laughed as Toni slammed down yet another empty shell.

Toni smiled cheekily, “Just trying to stay on brand you know,” She teased, suggestively licking the mussel again.

“Well, I mean. Okay you gotta admit all right. The shape of these things,” Toni explained.

Leah interjected, “Shape and texture,” Toni bit her lip looking at Leah knowingly.

“I mean you know, it’s kinda like a—“

“Like a pussy!” Nora yelled, pointing at her crotch and cutting Toni off, making the whole group burst into a chorus of giggles.

All except Shelby, who looked increasingly uncomfortable. She desperately willed herself not to look at her roommate and she made crude gestures. The heat in the room felt stifling as she averted her gaze from Toni’s eyes which were glowing amber and full of lust.

Toni noticed, trying her hardest to make Shelby sweat she continued, “If you wanna know how to eat this soft beautiful treasure I can show you, and it does not take garlic butter!” Toni pointed to Fatin who was all ears, “All it takes is finesse,” She finished, licking the mussel as sensually as she possibly could, making sure to be as extravagant as possible so that a certain blonde would meet her eye.

She wanted to see her squirm. 

The girls erupted into cheers and hollars as they watched on, extremely amused by what was unfolding in front of them.

Shelby shifted in her seat, her whole body becoming rigid with emotion so tightly bottled up she felt herself explode.

“Would you stop?” Shelby yelled, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. A sense of embarrassment burning at her cheeks.

“That was hilarious, and Shelby has no chill.” Dot laughed, looking around the group trying to ease the tension as she noticed Toni’s eyes darkening.

“I don’t see the humour in that sort of thing,” Shelby blanched, willing herself to look at Toni.

It seemed as though all the progress they had made in these few days had been wiped away as Toni went cold. Her sharp features were torrid and furious.

“What do you mean, ‘that sort of thing’?” Toni questioned, a knot forming in her stomach, her tone bitter.

She couldn’t believe that with all the progress they had made, Shelby would still pull something like this. It was so obvious but Toni still felt blindsided; she thought Shelby might be different.

“You know,” She shrugged, “Pornographic gestures.” Her eyes went to her lap instantly.

Toni’s stomach stirred as if it were filled with snakes as she realised what this was truly about. Shelby was homophobic, just as she had thought she was from the second she laid eyes on her. 

“I’m a Christian from a very Christian home, so I’m allowed to be a little skeeved out.” She continued, looking around the group looking for anyone who sympathised. All she got was blank stares.

When she looked at Toni her face said it all. She wished she had said nothing, just walked away and forgot about everything Toni was doing that drove her wild.

“Get the cross out of your ass,” Fatin teased, still concentrated on her mussels. “It’s fun to be filthy!”

Toni had enough, she couldn’t believe none of the girls were seeing what she did. 

“I mean, that’s not all that’s going on here,” She explained, anger taking ahold of her words, “Don’t bullshit me Shelby.”

“‘Cause the vibe that’s coming off you right now I’ve felt it a few too many times not to know what it is.” She was furious, her eyes boring into Shelby’s as she confronted the blonde. 

All the girls were staring between them now, a tense electrifying energy in the air.

“What are you saying, Toni?” Martha questioned, her brows furrowed.

“I’m saying that she can’t stand that I’m gay Marty! That’s what fucking skeeves her out!” She pointed at Shelby, her chest heaving.

“That’s not true,” Martha tried to rationalise, looking to Shelby for confirmation. 

Toni rolled her eyes, wondering how Martha could see the good in people until the very very end.

Shelby sighed, “Look I’ll be honest with you because y’all deserve that,” Her arms were crossed now, looking away from Toni she continued; scared if she looked her words might fail her.

“I do believe that way of life is a sin,” 

Toni stood up instantly, disappointed and hurt as the chair she was sitting on flew backwards, toppling over in a clatter. 

“I can’t fucking believe this.” She stood above Shelby, making sure to stare her dead in the eye.

Shelby shrunk in the shrewd gaze, her cheeks burning crimson. “I’m sorry, but everything that I’ve ever known has taught me that,”

Toni looked aggravated but Shelby knew that wasn’t it, she also looked hurt. Her eyes shining in the dim light of the setting sun.

“Hey look, there is no hate in my heart, I just feel sorry—“ 

Toni’s anger reared its ugly head once again, “Fuck you!” She spat, cutting Shelby off.

Shelby shifted uncomfortable, regret and guilt stirring in her stomach. Thick bile rising in her throat she desperately tried to swallow but her mouth was so dry.  
Toni ran off, disappearing outside as the moon began to light the path. The door slamming in her wake shook the room, but Shelby didn’t notice; she was already shaking.

There was an uncomfortable silence. Each girl staring at Shelby with a disapproving look sent her head spinning, she couldn’t get enough oxygen into her lungs to function. Flashbacks of Becca’s face flooding her mind; how could she let this happen again?

“What, am I not allowed to have my own beliefs?” She breathed, rubbing her legs. No longer comfortable being in her own skin.

“Not those ones,” Dot stared at her from the side.

Shelby huffed, leaving her seat and running outside. She desperately needed air, her head was spinning and her body felt as though it was on fire.

The moonlight guided her back to the cabin, her shadow following her was her only friend in the dark.

•

It was dark now, the darkness swallowed the cabin as Shelby laid in bed; she had been tossing and turning all night. Toni had been in the bathroom ever since she got back from her run, twenty minutes ago. The shower was still running and Toni hadn’t made a sound.

Shelby was worried.

Mustering all of the courage she had, she got up from her bunk and trudged across the room. Knocking lightly at first she heard no response. Panic set in, she tried knocking again this time louder and she even tried calling Toni’s name.

Nothing.

Now she was pounding on the door, her heart racing as she thought of all the possibilities.

“Toni seriously stop joking around, just open the door!” She yelled, her voice breaking.

Before she knew it the other girls were gathered at their door, calling Shelby’s name.

She swung the door open, tears now streaming down her face.

“I can’t get her to open the door!” She cried, letting Dot brush past her.

“Toni!” Dot called banging on the door, when there was no response she shook her head.

“What happened? Why isn’t she answering?” Shelby panicked, her tone sharp and high.

“The mussels made everyone sick,” Rachel explained, pulling Shelby aside while Dot pried the door open.

Toni lay on the floor of the bathroom, she looked extremely pale and her chest was heaving. The only sign she was alive.

Fatin ran in, a can of La Croix in her hand as she held Toni up; her limp body was unable to hold her head up as Fatin tried to feed her sips of the drink to no avail.

“Swallow, swallow bitch,” She ordered, Toni’s eyes were rolling back in her head.

Toni began coughing and retching, unable to hold anything down. “You see what you made me do? You made me sound like a rape-y frat bro.” Fatin joked, but for once there was no smile on her face.

“Leah go get the medicine from the hall,” Dot ordered and Leah ran outside, her eyes wild.

“Is she… is she okay?” Martha asked, her tone serious and eyes terrified.

Fatin merely shook her head, no words needed as Toni’s appearance said it all.

When Leah arrived the group scrambled as she tried to get the anti-nausea pill down Toni’s throat. 

Toni’s mouth clamped shut, she knew this was the only pill and she knew she didn’t deserve it. When Shelby’s face was in front of her’s, when her eyes flickered open her anger took over. The last of her energy draining in an effort to push Shelby away; she didn’t need her help.

“Get away from me,” Toni rasped, her bloodshot eyes staring intensely into Shelby’s green.

“Should Shelby really be the one helping her, considering everything that went down?”

“I got this all right,” Shelby asserted, pushing herself in front of the other girls.

“If I put this in your hand, can you take it?” Shelby pleaded, her eyes begging with Toni’s who were struggling to stay open.

“Not gonna take shit from you,” She spat, venom on her lips.

“You’re taking the damn pill!” Shelby argued.

“Fuck it. Shelby, just give it to me.” Dot growled, fighting to take the pill from Shelby.

Leah joined in too, trying desperately to get the blonde to give up. But Shelby wouldn’t allow it; she had to be the one to save Toni. She couldn’t let another person die by her hand.

“Jesus fucking Christ! Am I not allowed to help her?” Shelby yelled, her aggressive tone taking all of the girls by surprise.

Shelby took their lack of protest as a green light, she jumped onto Toni’s lap straddling her slight waist before tipping her onto her back. Toni too weak to fight back could only groan in response, her head spinning as the proximity of Shelby sent her body into a feverish shiver. Her shoulder blades digging into the cool tile of the bathroom floor.

“Swallow, the fucking pill!” Shelby ordered through gritted teeth, Toni shook her head trying with all he might to get Shelby to give up.

She didn’t deserve it. If there was only one dose she wanted Martha to have it, at least then if only one of them could survive it would be someone who deserved to.

However, Shelby wasn’t giving up. She clamped her French manicured fingers over Toni’s nose after shoving the pill into her mouth. Toni held her breath for as long as she could, hoping that maybe her body would simply give up and refuse to take another breath. Toni groaned alas, she took a breath allowing the pill to slip down her dry throat, sealing her fate. She would survive another day. Toni felt a sense of immense guilt as she realised she had just taken Martha’s rightful medicine. 

Shelby removed herself from Toni’s waist, quickly excusing herself; unable to shake the adrenaline from her system. She watched as Toni writhed on the floor, coughing and groaning.

She had to remind herself that she had just saved Toni and that was why her heart was practically beating its way out of her chest. Not because she couldn’t bear the thought of seeing the brunette die right in front of her eyes, or how if they were alone she would have leant in and finally felt Toni’s lips against her own just to tell her that it would be okay; to ease her worries.

The last thought was terrifying, she grabbed the cross on the necklace around her throat and began pulling nervously. She couldn’t breathe, her lungs unable to cope with the immense pressure she felt. She fled the cabin, letting the cool fresh air fill her tired lungs.

She couldn’t be falling in love with Toni. It just wasn’t possible. 

‘Love is a sacred act between a man and a woman.’ Shelby heard her father’s voice echo in the back of her head, the noise of the bible slamming upon the table was ingrained in her soul forever. 

•

“Linh! Where the fuck are you!” Toni cried out, racking her fist on the door. “I could have died and you just disappear?”   
Toni slammed into the door, banging her entire arm trying to awaken Linh as quickly as possible. When there was no response she tried the handle, finding it locked. She decided to take drastic measures, slamming her entire body at the door hoping it would bust inward like it did on those cheesy F.B.I shows she would watch with Martha. With all her might she heaved over and over again until finally the door swung open, the momentum sending her careening inside. As she looked around the cabin that mirrored her own, she was horrified to find it untouched. Only a small bag left beside the bed and a phone on the nightstand.

Toni grasped it quickly, trying to unlock it only to find a password blocking her from entering.

“Fuck, c’mon,” She whispered, her hand flying to her head to muss through her curls.

She tried again and again until she was one attempt away from locking the phone. She stared at the screen, deciding where it was worth the risk of locking the phone for another attempt. She sucked in a breath, about to try the next combination when a text came in, the device in her hand vibrating intensely.

Gretchen: When you’re back tomorrow tell the girls you were getting supplies. 

Then another came through.

Gretchen: Are you still coming over tonight? My address is 84 Blueridge Road, I have tequila.

Toni stopped in her tracks, dumbfounded at the sight. Not only did Linh have a cell phone with service but she was also off the island along with Gretchen; all while the girls had fought to keep each other alive tonight.

She was furious, her heart pounding and her palms sweating as she went back to her cabin. About to tell Shelby everything she knew; Martha was out of the question these days.

Toni ran back to their cabin, her feet pounding up the stairs already signalling to Shelby that she had returned. 

“Shelby,” She breathed, heart racing and breath ragged as she swung the door open.

Shelby looked like a deer in the headlights, standing so effortlessly gracious under the dim yellow lights. Her golden hair cascading down her back and monogrammed pyjamas clinging to her petite frame as she looked at Toni with confusion. Toni couldn’t help but stare for a few extra seconds, drinking in the girl in front of her unable to see her as anything other than beautiful. It was a shift in her thinking that took her back for a moment but didn’t scare her. If she was falling for Shelby then so be it, Shelby was kind and fearless. There could be worse people to crush on she thought, plus nothing more would ever happen between them. Shelby hated her and Toni hated her religious righteousness.

“You need to come with me,” Toni explained, her eyes finally looking away from Shelby’s hair that always smelt like strawberries and sunshine. 

Toni stood further back on the porch now, hoping Shelby would simply follow her lead; it wasn’t so easy though.

“Toni, I’m not going anywhere.” Shelby shook her head, “Besides, you ought to rest, you almost went on a one way trip to see God himself today.” 

“I don’t care, it’s for Martha—“ Toni ran a hand through her messy curls, the gravity of today’s event wearing on her, “I can’t explain you just need to come.”

Shelby shook her hair again, this time rolling her eyes as she slipped on her pink slippers. “Only for Martha.” She rationalised before walking out onto the porch to follow Toni.

Toni walked as though she was on a mission, Shelby on the other hand shuffled along as fast as she could with her slippers catching on the gravel at every turn. Once they arrived at Linh’s cabin Shelby took a step back, eyeing Toni with a careful look.

“I am not breaking and entering with you.” Shelby warned, wanting to know more of the dark haired girl's intentions.

Toni rolled her eyes and swung the door open, it creaked in an unnatural way after being rammed open by Toni only minutes ago. “It’s not breaking and entering if the door’s already open.” 

Toni smiled now watching Shelby fold her arms over her chest in a huff, the wind sending tendrils of her long hair flying. They stepped inside, out of the cold. However, the air inside the cabin didn’t feel right as soon as Shelby made the connection. 

There was absolutely no way Linh had been staying here.

“You see what I see?” Toni asked, Shelby nodded unable to speak.

Shelby looked around the cabin, checking the bathroom and even under the bed as though she was searching for an explanation.

“It gets worse,” 

Toni held up Linh’s cell phone, two new text messages from Gretchen illuminating the screen.

‘Linh, I will track you down and I will ruin your life. You cannot run from me.’

‘Those kids are valuable assets for research but you will do well to understand that beyond this they are merely just like every other teenage girl; expendable.’

“Toni what does this mean?” Shelby asked, her voice becoming hoarse as the panic began to set in.

Toni’s face contorted into anger as she kicked over Linh’s abandoned suitcase.

“It means we’re alone.” 

‘And no one will save us’, is what she wanted to say but too afraid of scaring Shelby she stopped herself.

The two girls returned to their cabin shortly after, not wanting to raise the alarm to the other girls nor campers who were sleeping peacefully; blissfully unaware of the discovery they had just made.

Toni lay awake, staring at the ceiling as she thought about what they would do tomorrow. She knew sleep would likely not come to soothe her tonight with her mind running away from her. However, she hadn’t realised that Shelby too lay awake until she gazed upon the unmistakable light of her cell phone.

“You miss them? Your family?” Toni asked, nodding toward Shelby’s lockscreen, the illuminated picture of her two siblings and adoring parents a moment in time forever captured.

Shelby smiled, it was a sad yet relieved smile, “Yes, but not as much as I used to.”

There was a moment of silence, not awkward but a moment of shared understanding.

“Toni?” Shelby whispered, she thought the darkness might swallow her words into the black.

Then she heard the brunette respond with a mumble that sounded like yes.

Shelby mustered her courage and continued, “What is it like— not having a home?”

Her heartbeat caught in her chest as her words echoed off of the wooden walls. Toni wondered how Shelby knew about her home or lack thereof, then remembered it was likely something that had come up in innocent conversation with Martha. She was usually exceptionally secretive and protective about her home life, but something shifted inside of her; it would be nice to finally open up to someone other than Martha.

“Wow, really laying it on thick with the deep and meaningfuls tonight, huh? Toni laughed, poking her head out from the top bunk expecting Shelby to be glaring at her from the bottom.

Toni pushed again, hoping for a response. “Watch out! I think Martha’s pisces energy might be rubbing off on you.”

When Shelby didn’t reply Toni felt uneasy. Something was wrong.

She sighed, climbing out of her bunk she padded over to her rucksack and began rummaging through its contents before finding what she needed. She clambered onto Shelby’s lower bunk, sitting at the end of her mattress.

Toni pulled out a small rectangular cigar container. The old paint chipping at the corners where she had pried it open in the past.

Shelby panicked, “Toni! You can’t smoke in here!” 

Toni laughed, shaking her head at the blonde’s wild eyes. It’s not like anyone could tell her off if she really was anyway. 

“Relax, I’m not smoking. But, don’t tell anyone about this, I—“ Toni shook her head, unsure why revealing this to Shelby made her nervous. “Only Martha knows. It’s kinda sappy really,” She shrugged.

Shelby raised an eyebrow, peering at the box.

“This is a collection of things, I guess souvenirs of places and things that have helped me feel at home.” 

She handed over the box to the blonde to inspect. Noticing her hesitation, Toni encouraged her. 

“You can look, it’s okay.” 

Shelby looked apprehensive in the lowlight of the cabin so Toni handed her an item to break the ice. Smiling at the irony of her being the icebreaker for a change.

“These things, they’re all special. This is my mother’s favourite lipstick.” She held up a golden tube, the shade Rose Coloured Lenses. 

“In this box I have all of these super sappy sentimental memories frozen in time forever.” She smiled, so bright Shelby felt a surge of pins and needles in her fingers.

“You don’t need a house to feel at home Shelby. All you need is people and places that make you feel at peace,” She packed all of the trinkets back inside the box. 

“Then, you’ll always have a place to call home no matter where you are.” 

In the lowlight of the cabin Toni stared at Shelby for a moment, her eyes shining and every strand of her hair perfectly in place; she looked angelic. She wanted to reach out and gently caress her face and kiss her. She wanted to kiss Shelby Goodkind, but she wasn’t sure she was ready for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! let me know your thoughts and get ready for enemies to friends to lovers ✨✨ -g


	7. Madonna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leah smells a rat while a storm rolls in. Shelby and Toni’s feelings are revealed, but are they ready to uncover the truth? For the rest, salvation lies on the horizon.

SEVEN 

It was three days later, the sun had not yet risen and the cabin was dark. It had rained all night, deep booming thunder callamored through the empty sky and lightning sparked awfully close to their cabins; too close for comfort. There was an awful suffocating panic settling into Shelby’s bones. The food was beginning to run out and the kids were starting to clue into the fact that something wasn’t quite right; one of the campers had woken up in the night, crying, begging to go home. Toni had to console her back to sleep. Shelby hated feeling responsible for the kids like this, it was an unsettling feeling knowing that she herself was still considered a child and yet she and seven other girls had the whole weight of their survival on their shoulders.

She suddenly understood Atlas’ burden of carrying the weight of the heavens upon his shoulders. 

Toni awoke with a start, her heart racing like a stampede of wild horses in her chest. “Shelby?” She called out, in her daze she was unable to stop the name from tumbling out.

Her dream left her dripping in a cold sweat, she had dreamt that they had been saved from the island. Everyone’s parents came to collect their children, some weeping others screaming with glee; but as more parents arrived and more children left she realised nobody was coming for her. She waited and waited until it was the last second, everyone was leaving without her and there was nothing she could do. She was all alone, with no one to return with. She was alone just as she had been her entire life, it was a pain that felt so real that she awoke from her sleep. 

She was thankful when Shelby didn’t respond to her calling. The truth was she didn’t want to talk to her; it had been suffocatingly awkward ever since her outburst the day Toni got sick. Toni tried to skirt around her hurt, trying her hardest to hold her emotions back as much as she possibly could; naturally, she did let a few insults slip out when Shelby was being particularly facetious. It wasn’t her fault that she got under her skin sometimes, she supposed it was just a natural response when someone was so blatantly homophobic to your face.

But that wasn’t the entire truth, and no matter how hard she tried to cover it up, the truth was beginning to bubble to the surface like a force of nature. 

Thankfully, Dot’s yelling was enough to break her away from the spiralling thoughts. 

“Shelby, Shalifoe! Get your asses out of bed!” The southern girl screamed, banging on the door loudly.

Toni groaned, rolling out of her bunk; her bare feet hitting the wooden floor with a deft thump. She shuffled over to her bag, slipping on a pair of shorts before greeting Dot at the door. She had taken to not wearing pants around the blonde; hoping to stirring trouble with their evident enmity. So far it had worked, Shelby blushing a bright crimson one morning when she walked out of the bathroom, toothbrush in hand, while Toni was sprawled on the floor in her underwear and a bra; stretching before going on a run. 

Toni laughed in her face that day, “Watch out sweetheart, people might start to think you’re the gay one with that look on your face,” She teased while Shelby blushed harder. 

Toni pushed the memory back, swinging the rickety door open to greet Dot, who looked noticeably distressed. 

“The hall’s flooded!” She announced, her mouth slightly open in disbelief.

Shelby pushed past Toni, the heat of her body pressed against Toni’s for a brief moment sending momentary chills across her exposed skin.

All three girls sprinted down the rain logged path toward the hall, rain pelting down around them and seeping into their summer clothes before they reached the old wooden building. On further inspection it was true, the hall had flooded. All of the items they had been stockpiling on the floor the night before, were now waterlogged and unhappily floating in the puddle of water trickling through the french doors. Dot looked particularly upset, her shoulders sagging and upper lip curled into a grimace; it had been her idea to count the items on the floor so they could create an inventory. 

Toni pushed the nagging thoughts from her brain and busied herself with a large broom; beginning to push water from the floor and out the door again. Shelby followed her lead, picking up any items she could salvage and putting them in one pile while the other stodgy items into a large black rubbish bag. Dot grabbed her inventory list, crossing off the items which had succumbed to the rain and checking the items which had survived.

She let out an exasperated breath,  
“Fuck you mother nature!” 

Dot held up her lighter, which they had been using to light the fire that kept them warm every night, burning in the fireplace. The lighter was dripping in water; she tried to flick the flint wheel however no flame erupted from the wick like it once used to. The girls' faces dropped with disappointment, knowing they would be dealing with more issues than just the waterlogged food. 

“Fuck! Can we never catch a break?” Toni yelled, kicking at the leg of a nearby table.

Shelby smiled optimistically, “You know, I think this is like, a test from God,”

“Oh here we go,” Toni bit sarcastically, pushing her broom harder into the floor sending a wave of water out the door to where Fatin was walking with a camper in tow. 

“God will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but he will provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.”  
Shelby counselled, earning an eye roll from Toni.

“Yeah, well God you’re being a dick right now,” Dot sneered, holding her middle finger up to the sky; a bright flash of lightning crashing in the distance.

Fatin’s footsteps grew closer and soon her conversation could be heard by the girls inside the dampened hall.

“‘My daddy’s a fisherman!” The girl chirped, her missing front teeth causing a whistle to ripple through her words.

“Oh,” Fatin smiled gently, “Kinda gross, not my dream job.” 

The girl nodded happily, “I just like going on his boat, y’know I’ve seen this island before!” She giggled pointing out to the horizon full of dark brooding clouds.

Fatin gave a quick wave to Dot before stepping inside, extra careful to step around the puddle. 

“That’s nice kid, wanna grab a broom?” She asked, holding out a smaller broom for the little girl to manage.

The kid nodded, eagerly beginning to push water out the door alongside Toni, sometimes pushing small waves in the direction of Shelby with the instruction of the brunette girl. This earned a glare from Shelby but a wicked grin from the younger camper who was simply having fun being mischievous.

The sweeping and counting continued long until the rain stopped. Nora and Martha had stopped by, deciding to take a group of campers to look at the beach to see what had washed up in the storm. Rachel and Leah had decided to take the rest to assess the other damages and start repairing small defects, it was a collaborative effort and all of the girls were grateful for each contribution.

“Dorothy, want me to whip up some lunch?” Fatin asked, leaning on her broom.

Dot looked up from her counting, “You can cook?” She asked curiously.

“What’s that cheesy thing Shelby says about girls and multitudes?”

“God built us to contain multitudes?” Shelby asked, her tone smooth and elegant.

The quote sent a shiver down Toni’s spine, she remembered it from the first day that she met the blonde. Her lips quirked into a small smile, realising how much her life had changed in such an eventful two weeks since their arrival.

“Yeah, that!” Fatin grinned, “So yes, I can cook.” 

Dot shook her head, laughing breathlessly as she hauled her pile of salvaged food onto the kitchen benches. 

“Well knock yourself out,” She gestured with open palms to the food, Fatin’s eyes lit up immediacy.

“Aye aye captain, time to make something delicious yet kid friendly!” She taunted, getting to work whipping up their lunch; just the mere thought of it making their stomachs rumble.

“What’s cooking good looking?” Toni chirped, peering over Fatin’s shoulder looking into the bubbling pot on the stove. 

Toni had to stand on her tiptoes in order to see over the taller girl’s shoulder, making her feel as though she was a child again.

“Spaghetti, wanna try?” Fatin asked, holding out a wooden spoon with a generous dollop of spaghetti sauce on the end. 

Toni nodded eagerly, spaghetti was an old favourite of hers. 

/TONI - 13 YEARS OLD/

Toni sat on her front porch, watching as the dark orange leaves fell from the trees on the border of her foster parents’ property; leaving the tree branches naked and bare, exposed to the winter chill that was beginning to creep in. The quiet was disturbed when the gravel of the driveway began pinging and cracking, revealing a vehicle was coming up the driveway. Toni sat straighter in her seat, instinctively thinking it was her foster father coming home; god she hated that man, it was more of a military camp than a home when he was around. Of course he never treated his own kids like that, just Toni; always the black sheep. To her surprise a police car rounded the driveway; a small part of her hoping that maybe the cops were finally going to take her horrendous foster parents away, but then reality set in. The police were there for her.

Debra, her foster mother, stepped onto the porch; her face twisting into bitter distrust.

“Evening ladies,” The female officer-- Margarette, drawled. Her dark hair swishing in a high ponytail that accentuated her sharp snake-like features. 

“What’s the girl done now?” Debra snapped, pushing Toni forwards off of the chair forcing her to stand between the two women.

“Nothin’ Ma’am, just some routine mentoring. Ready Shalifoe?” Margarette nodded at Toni, her eyes sparkling with knowing. 

Truthfully, there was no routine mentoring. Margarette was simply bailing her out for the upteenth time that year; she couldn't help herself, it had been a hard year. Toni nodded at the officer, clambering into the patrol car, pushing her head back onto the solid headrest, a quiet curse slipping out of her lips. 

“Ma’am,” Margarette tipped her hat, she bid the older woman a farewell as she clambered inside the vehicle, letting the engine roar to life.

“You locking me up this time?” Toni asked, not daring to look the officer in the eyes. She wouldn't admit it but she couldn’t bear to see the disappointment in her eyes. 

Instead she focused on the world whirring past in a blur outside the car. 

“Not this time kid, but you oughta be more careful. Mrs Avery has reported more thefts, if I look on those cameras am I gonna see your face?” She asked, turning to look at Toni as the light went red forcing them to stop.

The air in the stationary vehicle felt suffocating, “Maybe,” Toni mumbled.

Mrs Avery owned a local supermarket that Toni like to borrow food from and never return. 

“They feeding you?” She asked, worry etched on her face as she thought of Toni’s foster family.

Papa Don’t Preach by Madonna came over the crackling speakers of the old car, Margarette was a big Madonna fan.

Toni nodded, “Yeah they do,”

“Y’know they’re not so bad, it just takes time to get used to is all. You gotta let yourself adjust kid,” The light was green now, Toni was thankful the officer was no longer looking at her.

Toni shrugged, not interested in the conversation if it was about how awesome her foster parents were. 

“I’m just a paycheck to them Marg, no point getting attached.” She balled her fists at her side, Margarette eyed her hands with concern. 

“Well whatever happens I just want you to think about your future. You’re gonna be a great role model when you’re famous,” Margarette smiled knowingly.

She attended every single one of her basketball games.

They sat in silence all the way back to the station, various Madonna songs coming over the speakers-- Margarette tapped the steering wheel along to the beat of every one. 

When they arrived at the station, numerous fire fighters, EMT and police officers were gathered on the driveway in front of the fire engines. The men and women were shooting hoops into an old metal basket hanging on the front of the fire station, laughing and cheering as their colleagues scored. 

“Hey Marg, Toni! How’s my name sake going?” An older fireman approached the pair as they rolled up, his serious face exploding into a generous smile.

“Good, Big Tony, it’s been awhile.” Toni smiled widely, she always felt welcome here.

“Hey pipsqueak, ready to lose?” Another police woman greeted the pair, beckoning Toni over to the makeshift court with a basketball in hand.

Toni grinned as she ran over to the court ready to shoot some hoops. Naturally, she out-scored all of the women and men on the court; most in awe of her tricks and a few promising a rematch. All the bets they had placed going into a tin to donate to the local school for a new basketball court.

“Grubs up kid,” A stocky firewoman-- Morgan, announced. She wrapped her arm around Toni’s shoulder and ruffled her hair.

“Did you cook Morg?” Toni asked, looking up at the taller woman, her dark features cascaded in golden light from the streetlights overhead. 

Morgan nodded happily, “Course, couldn't let Margie anywhere near that kitchen,” She confirmed.

Morgan and Margarette had been married for a few years now, they were a hilarious duo who always had Toni’s back. In fact it was Morgan who first alerted Margarette to Toni’s situation, bailing her out after Mrs Avery first caught her shoplifting. Then, when Margarette showed up to Toni’s house and realised she was all alone, she tried her hardest to get her a good foster family, but those were few and far between here. Morgan and Margarette never questioned Toni about why she never told anyone or told her off for being alone at her age. Instead, they brought her back to the station and introduced her to their own family, the various emergency responders instantly took her under their wing and treated her like one of their own. 

She hoped to one day learn patience like theirs. 

“Help me dish up kiddo,” Morgan ordered, bringing Toni along with her into the kitchen, the familiar smell of her famous spaghetti setting her stomach off into a rumbling rage.

Toni did as she was told, she enjoyed this part-- greeting all of the members as they collected their bowls of steaming noodles, each as grateful as the next. When they had finished Morgan and Toni stood in the kitchen each with a bowl in hand as they chatted about everything they had missed. Toni about school and basketball, Morgan about her new car and old dog, Doug. 

Morgan stopped cleaning, turning to Toni, “Margie told me you’re stockpiling again,” Morgan admitted, looking pointedly at Toni, the younger girl tensed in response.

Margarette waltzed over, placing a comforting hand on Morgan’s back, her kind eyes shining down on Toni who slumped defeatedly against the kitchen island.

“Has your mama been calling again?” She asked the younger girl softly, the noise of the other responders swallowing her question, ensuring no one else could hear. 

Toni nodded ashamed, “She’s forreal about coming back this time, I can feel it,” Toni argued, her anger firing up, she felt as though flames could erupt from her fingertips.

Morgan and Margarette shared a knowing look, she wasn’t forreal this time. She would hurt Toni if she kept leading her on like this just like every time, and then every time she would slip right back into her old habits and take Toni’s hope with her. 

“Okay kid, let's get you home.” Margarette smiled gently, leading Toni back to her patrol car.

“Stay outta trouble Shalifoe,” Morgan warned as they peeled out of the driveway, the darkness of autumn creeping into the sky.

Toni merely nodded, waving out the window as they sped down the road toward her foster home; dread settling into her bones at the thought of another night in that place. As they approached the driveway Margarette stopped, she put the car in park and turned to Toni.

“Your mama and I used to be best friends, did you know?” She asked gently.

Toni shook her head, “No, I didn’t,” 

The officer pulled out an old worn photo, it had been folded across the centre leaving a small cracking line, “She was a special lady, I see a lot of her in you.” She pointed to the photo. 

In the photo, Toni’s mother wore that familiar tan coloured jacket that Toni now had shrugged over her shoulders, still too young to fit into it properly.  
She slid the car back into drive this time stopping in front of the house, the porch lights springing on with the movement of the vehicle outside. 

Toni sighed, a melancholic look on her small face, “Thank you for tonight,” She said, heading from the door handle before the officer stopped her.

“Toni,” She started, tucking the photo into the girl’s smaller hand, “Someday someone is gonna love you the way I know you deserve, I’m just sorry it couldn’t be your mama telling you this,” 

A single tear slipped down her tanned face, Toni squeezed her hand in reassurance. Morgan and Margarette had been the best family she had ever known, and in that moment she wished she could repay them one day for everything they had done for her.

•

The weather had cleared nicely, the sun had started to peak out from behind the clouds-- drying out the various flooded areas of the camp. The girls and their respective campers were gathered on the beach, stacking piles of driftwood they had collected. Martha had suggested a bonfire to boost everyone’s spirits so naturally they set to work. Toni was explaining to her group which of the driftwood would be the best for the fire. Martha and Shelby had taken a small number of the group to the kitchen to prepare some s’mores, however once Martha and the group returned, Shelby was nowhere in sight. A small nagging sense of worry was gnawing at the back of her brain; only they knew the realities of the island and the aftermath of Gretchen and Linh’s abrupt exit. She worried that they knew too much.

She was grateful when she saw the familiar locks of blonde hair walking back toward the group over the sand dunes. The counsellors let their groups go play in the water, just as they had been nagging all afternoon, and gathered around Shelby. In her hand was a pink fjallraven kanken backpack, one none of the girls recognised. 

She dumped it on the sand, Rachel instantly picking it up and unzipping it to reveal the contents inside. Instantly everyone’s eyes were drawn to a large bottle of vodka which Rachel carefully pulled from the bag.

“Kinda didn’t expect this from Linh,” She joked, turning the bottle to read the label.

“Punk fucking rock!” Fatin exclaimed, reaching for the bottle.

Shelby stood away from the group smiling, she was happy to see the girls excited and enjoying their moment, like kids on christmas. Toni eyed her with a careful look, unsure of what her next move would be.

“All right, let’s see what else she’s got!” Rachel announced before tipping the contents of the bag onto the sand below her. Items spilling everywhere.

“Oh my god guys! She has a fucking lighter!” Dot announced excitedly, the current one lay in a bucket of rice in the kitchen after the flood. 

“Yeah I mean, I took her for a straight edge, all work no pay but she drinks, she smokes?” Toni admitted, looking through the items not wanting to blow her cover. 

She knew more about Linh than the rest.

“She brought like a hundred benzos on a four week camp?” Nora questioned, looking at the box.

“Good find Shelby.” Dot patted Shelby on the back.

“Thanks,” She shrugged as she could feel Toni watching, “I just got lucky really,” Her cheeks flamed red under the brunette’s intense gaze.

Leah's eyes flickered between the two, her eyes narrowing as she thought harder about the revelation.

“Don’t you think it’s a little suspicious how Shelby found Linh’s bag?” Her tone turned dark.

“Leah, what are you saying?” Rachel asked, sitting stretched out on the sand.

Leah kneeled on the sand, pulling various items from the ground and holding them up as she tried to explain her suspicions. 

“Seriously? Water purification tablets?” She threw the box into the sand, “There’s enough protein bars to last us forever, there’s warm clothes, more meds,” 

Shelby couldn’t tear herself away, she stood rooted to the spot as Leah’s anger spilled over.

“Why would she bring all of this to a casual summer camp in New Zealand?”  
Leah now stood right in Shelby’s face, her hands flying to point fingers at the girl in front of her, “Who gave you this bag and what the fuck do you know?” 

“Leah calm down!” Dot tried to intervene, Toni wished she had been the one to but she stayed rooted in place. 

“I just want everybody to think about this, for like two seconds,” She continued, looking around at the group, 

“She is persistently optimistic, she uses icebreaker after icebreaker to pump us for information, and not to mention she didn’t eat any of the fucking mussels!”  
Shelby was angry now, she hated being scrutinised like this; backed into a corner like a wild animal. She thought she was doing good by bringing something new to the mix, but she was clearly wrong.

“I said I was allergic,” She snarled, hackles raised. 

Toni realised that maybe Shelby didn't need her help to fight her battles, she seemed to be managing on her own. 

Leah grabbed the lighter, holding it above her head and threatening to break it; hoping that Shelby herself would break. Before Shelby could admit anything Nora tackled Leah to the ground, begging her to get a grip.

But Nora wasn’t strong enough to hold Leah back, she sprang to her feet charging straight for Shelby. 

“Where are you going Shelby? Where do you sneak off to every morning and every night?” She screeched, “And what the fuck is happening on this island?” She yelled, gripping Shelby’s shirt. 

“You’re hiding something, I fucking know it,” Leah growled, now gripping the blonde’s face between her hand.

Shelby whined in shock, all the memories of her father flooding back. The terror of having a secret come to the surface bringing back painful memories of the day he found out she had kissed her best friend. 

“Okay yes, maybe I am!” She revealed, Toni felt her heart racing. 

Shelby pushed the girl from off of her, pulling her dentures from her mouth in a last ditch effort to save her deepest secret. 

“Happy?” She cried, hot angry tears mixing with the sand that clinged to her skin. “This is it. The big secret, I’m a freak who wears her teeth on a piece of plastic, and I’m not sneaking off as part of some dirty scheme!” 

The group was silent, every face had fallen in realisation. 

“Alright then, guess y’all know everything now.” She whimpered, looking at Toni to her right who still said nothing, “I’m a fake bitch with dentures!”

“Just one more reason to hate me,” She continued, “Not that you needed any more.” She intentionally looked at the brunette once again, before she walked off into the forest. 

After a while the group settled back into a busy hum preparing the bonfire. Toni waited for a moment where no one would notice and she slipped away into the forest after Shelby. She tried to rationalise the reason she was so concerned about the blonde after everything that had happened but it was hard to deny that despite everything she still cared deeply for her. Toni walked aimlessly along the path until she finally found her, sat on a rock, staring at the ground. 

“Just getting a jump on the firewood situation,” Toni announced, not wanting to spook her.

‘I just came out here to get some space, I’m not like-- up to something,” She explained, not making eye contact.

“I didn't take you for a special Ops rat, that’s Leah's shit,” Toni stated candidly, picking up pieces of wood to cover up for the fact that she needed to be closer to the blonde; she wanted to check she had stopped crying. 

“You just think I’m an asshole,” Shelby announced, finally turning to look at Toni. 

Toni stood from her bending position and whistled, “You say your prayers with that mouth?” She asked, earning a small smile from the blonde, sending her heart racing.

Their exchange continued for a few more moments, Toni was glad she could make the blonde smile once again.

Shelby felt uneasy as she stood up, she needed to set the record straight, “You know my issues with… well, whatever, like with who you are--” Shelby sucked in a breath as the brunette turned, her expression blank, “I don’t hate you, Toni. You get that, right?” She asked quietly.

“Yeah, you actually do though,” Toni threw back, her posture becoming rigid. “I saw your face when shit got a little too gay for you, you fucking shuddered. I’m sorry that’s hate, least you could do is own it.” 

The exchange cooled a little as they walked further into the undergrowth. Toni gathered more branches, trying to tie them together with some threads of flax leaves while Shelby explained about her teeth.

After coaxing her for a while, Toni responded, “Okay Becky, maybe don't talk to me about hard.” She muttered, looking up at Shelby.

“Nobody believes me when I say this, but I do have actual problems,” Shelby countered, explaining the realities of her not-so perfect pageant queen life.

“-I’m not just talking about pageant stuff, it feels like everywhere I go, somebody’s asking me to meet some kind of expectation, it's a lot is all-- the pressure.” She admitted, her shoulders lowering as if she had shifted a large weight. 

Toni responded, her body relaxing as she revealed the truth of her life, “Yeah, well my dad’s been a no-show since day one, and my mum’s in and out of rehab like it’s a fucking White Castle. So nobody expects shit from me.” 

Toni kept rambling, unsure why she was spilling her true feelings about her absentee parents to Shelby fucking Goodkind of all people. 

“Yeah but like-” Shelby tried to continue but Toni stopped her.

“But what? Shelby you know if you’re trying to out-sad me its a losing fucking battle.” Toni bit back, her tone shakey.

“But you’re free, don’t you see that? You don’t have to answer to anybody!” Shelby erupted, her tone matching Toni’s.

“And neither do you! Not right now anyway. I mean, you’re on a deserted island a million miles away from whatever bullshit expectations you left behind!” Toni ranted, staring directly into Shelby’s green eyes.

“You know, you’re free here Shelby and if you’re not taking advantage of that then I don’t know what the fuck to tell you.”  
Shelby’s eyes went wide, realising the only thing she wanted was standing right in front of her.

She let her mind go blank and her body take over, pure instinct and adrenaline coursing through her veins and she grabbed Toni’s face and pressed her lips against the brunettes, just as she had wanted to since the day she realised Toni was all she could think about.

She loved her, and nothing here could stop her from finally feeling it with every ounce of her soul.

It was terrifying at first, but as she felt Toni kiss back everything melted into place. She shivered as Toni’s arms snaked around her waist, sending electrifying waves through her skin with every soft caress. 

But just as quickly as it happened, it ended. Everything was a blur of green as she sprinted through the forest, Toni followed every stride and called out her name through the trees. Only once they reached the beach did Shelby’s ears stop ringing and she could finally hear. 

The remaining girls were arguing on the beach, the bonfire untouched by flames as of yet and the kids were still splashing in the water as the late afternoon sun shone overhead. 

“Wait, let me think!” Fatin yelled over the arguing girls.

“Oh my god, that kid she said she had seen this island before!”

“Okay and? These kids are locals.” Rachel retorted, unconvinced.

“Yes and she said her dad was a fucking fisherman!” Fatin ran down the sand dunes, harsh sprinkles of the grainy black sand flying in all directions.

Shelby and Toni ignored their previous exchange and instead chose to follow along with the rest.

“Why are we running?” Nora asked, following madly behind as she tried to keep up.

“Look!” Fatin stopped abruptly, her ankles covered in the lapping water as she pointed to the horizon where a small blur of a boat cruzed by.

The group stood in shock, watching as the grey blob of the boat cruzed upon the water.

Then there was a flash, and two more. 

“Oh my god he sees us!” Martha screamed, a happy tear rolling down her cheek.

Shelby stood rooted to the spot, she didn’t call out of wave her arms in a desperate bid for salvation like the rest. Instead, she stood as still as possible, she felt if she was to move even an inch, that boat really would see them; they would be rescued and she would go straight back home to the Goodkinds, half a world away from the person she was so desperately trying to become. Here she was free, she could be the person she had been so hopelessly trying to stuff down and hide behind her mask. But the mask was slipping and it was getting harder and harder everyday to be the same Shelby that she came to the island as. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to be that girl anymore.

So she watched as the boat disappeared on the horizon once more. She prayed silently, hoping that she would have more time to play as the girl she had always wanted to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!! sorry for the late update just had some personal shizzz to deal with but i’m back baby! enjoy and let me  
> know what you think 😌

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Follow me on Twitter for more bants and rants 😎 @ARIESTONl


End file.
